This is the letter that started it all. A few months ago I was cleaning my stuff form my old house and I cam across a few notebooks with texts I wrote through out the years and I thought I would share it with the world.
This text was written a long time ago, when I was in high school. It was written from my creative writing class, in which my teacher believed I was a lost hope and that I will never became a writer. Maybe she was right and I suck at writing, but that will not stop me to write and express myself through a written word.
Turn off programs, texts, comments, chronicles, stupidest, black news, and anxieties against the world, which assure you that we are irreversibly sinking like a ship without a captain who escaped the first moment his nostrils caught a breath of decay.
Turn off everything that tells you that a husband killed his wife on the terrace while drinking a cocktail in the summer evening like he was killing a dreadful mosquito. Shut the neighbors’ comments about not knowing what the hell got in to him, that he was otherwise alright, that he always greeted his neighbors on the street, and that they had never heard those plates breaking or these fist through the wall.
Turn away everything that reminds you that both politicians and your neighbors are stealing from you, me and their own mothers who took them for the first time thinking that they rip from their bodies the angel Gabriel himself, the bearer of some good and resigning news.
Eliminate statistics on how many people are suffering from serious illness they call cancer, how many pills you will need when you get old, how many people from well know colleges are sitting home unemployed. Turn off statistics on how many marriages break down every day like mirrors that slide from the hand to the floor and all that remains are broken pieces that no one will ever be able to assemble into a meaningful whole that does not know the scars and traces of decomposition.
Some of these are true, but you just turn them off and go your way.
Without a second pause.
Because you are poisoned, because they teach that there is no point to stand on your two good legs and it makes no sense to fight with the common sense, that it makes no sense to build with two healthy hands. That it makes no sense to love you and that you just have a heart to keep you alive. That you are in the world in which is noble to suffer and starve, and that you’re a very lucky if you have enough to cover overhead expenses and pay monthly rent for your 4 rented walls in which you do not know what to repair first – ends meet, furniture that is falling apart, the walls that are breaking or your marriage that falling apart, because all of the sudden the seam where everything was smooth began to rip apart.
So light up around yourselves, like scented candles, the news that some of our children became world champion in mathematics. That the neighbor helped the neighbor. And do not read the comments because it says that he has done it for his own benefit. Do not open comments. The neighbor helped the neighbor. That is it. That is all.
So surround yourself with walls for the defense from the world and the bad news, those people who, without any thought, rescue you from those moments when life begins to be life with all of his horrors and darkness. Those people who have ears, lashes and shoulders for each of yours come and go, your fly and fall, I will and I will not, I would and would not. Those who believe you can get one meter closer to the clouds without headaches because you were not born for headache.
Those people whose love stands at the end of the scale range from „how much do you love me from 1 to I will massage your feet even when you are broken and sliced and dirty with ketchup and when you want something, but you do not know what.”
Put around you as guiding stars those people who push your dreams even when you’d rather sleep. Those who swore your fire with their hands so it will not burn out when there is a storm and when it is blowing and when it is cold and when it is winter.
Build around you like walls and towers, proud, unshakable and solid, those who for your lemons bring tequila, put flags on your Himalayas while they are more proud of you than you and while pushing those with their elbows and proudly whisper: “You see her, she is mine.„ It is a waste of lemon and Himalayas if you do not have someone to label mark them with tequila and flags.
Light up like a torch the news about a woman becoming a director of a company and dare not to think that she had become that sleeping in over forty-eight beds, but because she speaks six foreign languages, because she gets up at five in the morning, because she has been sacrificing her time for years just to see that someone behind the screen left a bad comment because he saw that everybody is doing it. Who is convincing us that this is the only way?
So raise around yourself as white flags those people and those ideas that with one snap of the finger spread your lips into a smile and spread your wings so wide that you believe that you can fly over all the oceans, volcanoes and silence, but you will still have a nest in which it is safe to land when a wild storms are around.
So start your day. And start life by believing that there are three goods on every evil, four good people on every bad person.
Perhaps you seem naive and crazy, while those smart will brush you off, thinking that you do not know what’s going on in the world, how many billions of dollars we are in the debt, how many millions of people are in the debt, how much more bad is going to be if one or the other win on the election. You just go through. Without stopping. Because you will already know that you do not belong to the same world anyway.
1 thought on “A letter to myself….”
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