How many enemies do you carry in yourself?

Last night I collapsed. I caught myself treading the floor with fatigue. Pretty angry at myself, as it’s only 21 o’clock, I should like to make another million things. Not just what I need, but I want to. My body did not want to listen to me, it simply did not. It wished only to cover it with the blanket, stop all possible actions and give it some peace. I spent some unproductive hours arguing with it. To every one of mine: “You cannot do this, we have to, we want, come on, we cannot sleep now, …” , it started getting worse and worse by the tiredness, repeating: “I do not care! Make me sleep! Now, even if the world is on fire, I do not care! Put me asleep or I will fall down here now on the floor and fall asleep in the middle of the room! “

I somehow fell asleep, which brought my body some peace. This morning I got up and tried to figure out what happened yesterday. I came to the conclusion … is not the body outdone. My “overthinking” mind outdone all possible atoms of my being. A confused inner self-critic and perfectionist, he walked yesterday after me, from the early morning. It is normal what happened. It’s strange that I stayed at such a pace until noon. It is as if you are standing up, and a couple of the worst enemies walk in you and do not stop with mental commentaries.

One is Mr. Overthink. That does not stop talking. There are all possible assumptions about the past, the future, quite enough to capture a large number of thrilled trileries. The other is the Lord of Perfection, who carries the filters of the perfect world, life and people. Chasing perfection that does not exist, simultaneously overthink about everything they do, plus if this day is crowned and activated by the Internal Self-critic, and God forbid, the Lord Guilt comes along is a recipe for a day from hell.

Now that I am writing, it is quite fascinating to me that I survived until noon, let alone until 9 pm, with no illegal drugs, with myself and my inner enemies. Anyway, last night it would not have even crossed my mind. Before I fell asleep the speech ended with Lord Guilt. “Do you see how little you have done today? Some accomplish things that are worth for five people in a day, you’ve only did things for half of a man today! Slap, bang! Let’s go and finish you off because that would be the best option!” It seems to me that I have survived that day, that’s a fascinating success. There, I do not know what to say. I just wanted to dedicate a day’s experience in which no one except myself was walking behind me and made me trouble. There was, however, quite a few solid enemies in me. Overthink, Perfectness, Inner Self-critic and Lord Guilt. If I forgot somebody, forgive me, it’s not easy being me at the moment. Now I have a very clear saying: “Beating yourself, you have won the whole world.” Just as the theory that an enemy is not out there. It sure is not.

Here’s a little something to think about. If you have a bad day, try to find out if it actually happened in you instead of out there. Then somehow when you find these enemies in you, be gentle, otherwise it will not go down. This gentleness would go something like this: “I know that you came out to protect me in case of danger. I thank you for your concern and care, but there is no danger at this time. So, relax and leave me in peace. In the event of an emergency (World War Three, earthquake, fire, if someone is pushing me from the top of the building in New York, where I have not even step on …) I will awaken you to activate your goodwill and wisdom in the name of my good. At this time, come on, please sleep, rest. ” But if gentleness and love do not work, sorry, you will have to become authority. It would mean, if any of these “good” spirits came in, and a nice way did not work, it’ll work, good old “Frak off!”

It will roughly be something like this …

Overthink: “What are you going to do in five years? You have kids, you have to know what’s going to be in five years! When are you dying? You have to know that, you have kids, for God sake! “/” What if global warming happens and penguins are burning us, seeking revenge? !!!! Where’s your plan A, B, C, D, … Z? “

You: “Frak off!”

Lord of Perfecton: “See the spiders on the wall. What kind of person are you? “” Today you have responded to “Mom” for 200 time, but for that three times you ignored it. What kind of mom are you? The “perfect” mom is always responding. “/” You are going to the shop like that?! God forbid! When was the last time you were on Instagram? Have you seen how people go to the shop?! “/” Did your lunch burn while you were washing your toilet? That has never happened to an organized person! “/ You are almost 33 now, and you have not found a cure for cancer yet or something important like that… !!!!”

You: “Frak off!”

Internal self-critic: “This could have been much better!” / “And this!” / “And this !!!!!!”

You: “Frak off!”

Lord Guilt: “Maybe this would not happen if you were not guilty of, crossing the street at intersection A, instead of crossing B!”

You: “Frak off!” I apologize for cursing, in fact I do not apologize, it is the Lord of Perfect apologizing! Not me. Feel free to the “Frak off!”, add the imaginary leg and give him a good kick in the ass

19 thoughts on “How many enemies do you carry in yourself?”

  1. I relate to this so much! I actually kinda dread my ‘good’ days because my mind is non-stop from the minute I wake up. I’m getting dressed, making food, at my desk at work etc but while I am doing all these things on autopilot I’m thinking on a topic for my next poem, getting bog post ideas, thinking about the characters in my book, thinking of all the cleaning I need to do or that person I need to reply to or what ingredients I need to buy to make dinner. It usually results in my good days being cut short with me heading to bed hours earlier than usual! Or falling asleep on the couch, or with my journal in my hand and even on the floor last week. I have found if I allow myself to go to bed when I feel tired rather than fighting it then the next day is somewhat productive/good too. Whereas if I fight it I reach the point of exhaustion and the next day ends up being a write off because I either oversleep or am still tired. All the best! Amy x


  2. This is in a interesting and funny read! I like how you made each of our internal enemies into characters. I carry all of the time!


  3. We are our own worst enemies, your story illustrates this brilliantly! I love the names you have given to those enemies. I think recognising they are there is half the battle. Be kind to yourself 🙂


  4. This is such a great post! And it’s so true! I feel my most fatigued when I’m mentally drained rather than after a physically active day. I’m such a perfectionist too and I always want to do this or that and the other before I settle for the day. I’m definitely not kind to my body in that way. Thank you for sharing your experience and thought process, it definitely made me think x



  5. I feel like I have this inner dialogue with myself every night. Guilty because I did not accomplish all that I wanted to and tired from the exhausting day. Thank you for sharing this with me.


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