The silent suffering of us and our children

Huge gathering on the occasion of the celebration, sitting at the table of each other known and unknown people, families with children. The gathering lasts all afternoon, the course of meals changes. I sit and watch.

Most children from the age of one year to almost the age of majority sit in the same pose all afternoon. A plate after plate arrives in front of them. I notice them sticking a fork in their ear, nose, everywhere but their mouth. I’m trying to tell a five year old girl to leave her cellphone at least while she is eating. No way, she doesn’t want to. She would rather not eat. One mom certainly noticed that her son had been immersed in a game for over an hour and had successfully intervened. An hour is fine, but it’s enough. Someone declares that it may not be good for that one year old “baby” , who is looking at the tablet the whole afternoon, without ever having a rest. Dad shakes his hand and says, “I don’t care, it is fine and easier for me.” and goes on to talk to an acquaintance who should be amazed because he is obviously some kind of “big shoot”. Is good to know a “big shoot” and it is useful to be “good” with them. We all know that, and I’m not saying it’s not true.

I certainly know that that mom from the first reaction also has similar life challenges as this dad. But she is aware that in the long run it is not “easier and better”, and she spends fifteen minutes of her time looking her son in the eye and interacting with him. Wondering what it means to have a fifteen minute presence for one child? By presence, I do not consider your physical residence in the same room as your child. But the present of you, present with eyes, ears, heart, body and spirit with another person. Let’s say, here with your child. Without judging, labeling, correcting or repairing it in those fifteen minutes. This means immensely to your child. How much does it mean to you? Let’s put it this way. Your children will not be children forever, your children will grow up. They will have their own life and in that life there will be no so much time for you, which is quite a natural and desirable life cycle. Therefore, these “fifteen minutes” of presence will mean a lot one day to you, not just to your children.

I know how together we are overloaded with everything. But let’s consider a little collectively imposed thinking that pretty much goes in the direction of the next – I need to get the kids the latest PlayStation. As soon as I make money for it, the market will throw out a new one, so I will immediately start procuring it. Children need to get a few hundred dollars worth of sneakers, for whose logo, not quality, but logo, we leave lives and time with them. for them to break apart in a month, so we go under the urgent pressure to procure new ones. Turn the circle and figure out what’s going on. I will not impose my opinion on anyone. I’m just asking you to think about the “fifteen minutes” (I took the minute term symbolically) of being with your child every day. Try it for a month, that’s all I ask you to do. For our children of today are silently screaming within themselves: Look at me, hear me, I’m here. I know that the modern way of life is tiring and full of challenges, but in this we can always find “fifteen minutes”, which will mean as much to your children as to yourselves.

5 thoughts on “The silent suffering of us and our children”

  1. I think it’s useful for children to understand technology and to have a bit of access to it, but definitely not as a baby, and not for 24 hours a day. I’m very grateful that my nieces and nephews have been raised to enjoy typical childhood things like colouring in, playing in the park and baking. It’s much easier to connect with each other when we aren’t all staring at screens.
    Beth x Adventure & Anxiety

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve seen so many people struggle with the battle of how much screen time to allow their children. It’s a hard battle, but the 15 minutes woman is definitely doing a good thing. It’s better for everyone in the long run if kids know how to interact socially and know someone is there to spend time with x


    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have a no technology rule at the table. When we went out to eat as children, it was a big deal and we soon learnt how to behave when in public places and it is really important to me that my children do the same. I also love sitting around a table together and really talking to each other. We try to do it as home every day.
    Its little moments like that that i remember from my childhood x

    Liked by 1 person

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