Whether I am or not

We are living in an era of constant review, measurement and competition. Am I happy? Am I good enough? Am I the most beautiful makeup artist? Do they love me? Am I sure they love me? How much, how? Do I need to get better, more? How much better? I can be number one! I have to! But why?! What are we yearning for? What do we want from ourselves and for ourselves? What is our goal? Where does it lead us to achieve?

I just read the question about whether I’m grateful for the people around me? No, I’m not! I respect, love, help, seek help, support… but I do not feel special gratitude.

I don’t think like that. I do not calculate or measure. Very rarely do people disappoint me. Now I can’t think of any person who has disappointed me to remember it for a long time.

Maybe it’s because I don’t expect anything ?!

No one owes me anything and if someone respects me, I must have somehow deserved that respect. The same is the other way around. I feel an initial dose of human respect for everyone, and we need to do our best for the rest. No one is obliged to feather my ass (except my husband 😊), and neither am I obliged to take down the stars from heaven for someone (except for him).

If you need help, I’ll help. If I need help, I’ll ask for it. I don’t see that I should be grateful to anyone for anything. I love people and I love myself.

We complicate wherever we get and we all want to be special, unique and important.

In order to do this, we are ready to go from extreme to extreme, dealing with any kind of affronts, just to stand out somehow. For good or not, it became irrelevant.

Nothing is ok anymore, if it is not extreme! It doesn’t have to be good, it has to be ultra good. It’s no good if it’s nice, it has to be divine. Do not ask if I was ok, I have to be extra ok.

To stand out form such an average and ordinary person, I have to be grateful. Thanks to the universe for breathing, for my mom for giving birth to me, for my dad for loving my mom and for my mom for loving my dad, so thank you for creating me and thank my teacher for being there and thank you to the dog for biting me when I was little and thanks for everyone and everything.

Gratitude as a new life focus, insinuates that something good will happen to you just because of your own gratitude and kindness. It will not, do not worry! But that is why we have a whole generation of people who are grateful that the sun is shining, and in return, who are trying to feel gratitude, expect universal life-giving, with all the packages and as a gifts.

Why not just be ordinary and normal?

Normally growing, studying, advancing, falling, getting up, loving, angry, laughing, working, singing, eating, running, hanging out… why not stop inventing some shit and catch our lives beautifully by the head and by the tail?!

I don’t know how to feel an imaginary gratitude for a butterfly that was blinking in Indonesia, so it just happened that plums were very good this year because of that blink. I do not know and see no need or purpose, forgive me o you grateful ones.

They taught me and then made me do my best, get over it, get up and go, find a solution, learn a lesson, deserve respect, laugh, cry, be angry, and then they taught me to respect and to love. How does gratitude fit in here?

2 thoughts on “Whether I am or not”

  1. Fantastic take on gratitude – I love the intentional practice of it, but usually find that after a time I start to do so mechanically. So, for me, I have learned that I practice gratitude on-and-off, so that it never becomes mechanical!
    To feel the magic of it,, rather than making it into something it was never meant to be!

    Liked by 1 person

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