Let’s relax, no one is watching

How much better would this world be if someone explained to us that no one was looking at us from 0 to 24 and that no one is dissecting our every step. How much more relaxed people would be, how much more they would show their talents, how much more charismatic they would be, it would be a pleasure to sit and watch somewhere on the side or from above.

It’s like when you give a presentation at college and you feel like everyone is doing psychoanalysis of your character and work during that time, studying your body language and writing down how many times you said your favorite catch-phrase, and then boredom sums it up for the rest of the hour. But 95 percent of people are looking at their cell phones and minding their own business anyway, and don’t know how to draw a coherent sentence about what you presented for 20 minutes while your palms were sweating and your heart was beating fast. I designed a wedding dress for my friend during one of those presentations. So much for dissecting.

I always go back to my story and at a time when the crisis in Croatia was just beginning, to that period in which I was intensely distracted by the movie in my head at work, which I did not even like or want to do. I wasn’t sorry for the money I didn’t earn, the jobs I didn’t get, the flats I didn’t get credit for, or the nonsense I made. I was sorry that I was not brave enough at the time to do what I wanted, that I did not spill charisma like confetti around, that I did not charm anyone I wanted, that I did not wink more than I did and did not give myself the opportunity to share everything I know and can with the world, even if it concerns straight 5 people who won’t “look at their cellphone” as I speak to them, metaphorically and literally.

Not too long ago, an aunt of my husband died, she wore black half her life for a son who left too soon, long before her, long before the others could remember him, long before he could experience all the magic of the world. None ever questioned her decision, no one would have the right, it never occurred to anyone to ask. When she realized she was going to leave soon, she told her brother at the hospital bed that she could turn back the time, she would remove her black clothes, she would have danced in all the weddings, and be happier than all of us, as if she did not exist tomorrow. Because maybe tomorrow doesn’t really exist, and when we say that there is “time,” we are just collectively bluffing. She could not return the time.

All this just to say how much better life would be if we were taught from the early age just to relax. And most of us have not been taught so we have to learn again, step by step and day by day, as a child when learning to walk and hold a spoon in your hands. To have fun, to be charming and charismatic, to walk with joy, to seduce whom we want to seduced, to wear what we want to wear, not to store the best things we have for festive days or moments of happiness and new memories of tomorrow. To play with life and when we blink to blow half the room because we just felt like it.

No one is watching us. Those who are accomplished and satisfied are looking at their own business anyway, and those who aren’t, will at least have something to see.

8 thoughts on “Let’s relax, no one is watching”

  1. I definitely agree! Nothing is much fun in this world if you can’t relax. I’ve been owkring on relaxing more myself. I think the more relaxed we are, the better work we can churn out. If I’m super stressed, I won’t write anything most times but when relaxed, I’ll write plenty and it will be quality since I was relaxed and took my time. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so important ♥ I used to tell myself, when I was studying, that people are literally not bothered by your presentation etc, they are much too self involved these days to pay that much attention to anyone but themselves < of course this is not always true, but it really helped me to not be super self conscious!

    Liked by 1 person

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