In a sea of obligations, love should not be one of them

They say this is now the time of love. I would say that today’s perception of Christmas is far from loving. It is neither love nor a holiday any more. It’s a glittering parade filled with unnecessary expectations and competitions that bring you nothing but an empty soul at the end of the day and the overwhelming need to move to a deserted island.

That is why I refuse to write any text about Christmas, that is not connected to food, DIY or traditions, although it is now obviously modern. Even non-writers write about Christmas. Well, I won’t.

But you know what I’m going to scribble about today? About love.

I realized that I miss texts about love just as much as love is missing in today’s relationships and “love.” So these days, let’s make up for everything we need.

For starters, let’s talk a little bit about things that aren’t right these days. In fact, one thing only comes to my mind is that love is treated as something that must, needs, something that is your obligation, something that makes you a fulfilled human being because you know… You need to find your other half.

But do I look like half of the woman that I need another half? You mean I’m not enough by myself?

Sorry for the dramaticity, but yes. We’ll come back to that a little later.

Basically, the point of the story is that wherever you go, whether it’s family get-togethers or work or meeting new people in college or something tenth, at least one person will ask you if you have a boyfriend, why you don’t have what you are waiting for, and what’s famous for “when will you marry ‘?’ all the question from which I got at least one gray every time I was asked that when I was younger. No wonder I have to dye my hair now.

Why is that the point of the story? Now imagine that you have a person who is solo and has problems with confidence, or is insecure, or has trouble with some other problems, of which he is not the most stable person. And realistically none of us is the most stable and everyone has their black days.

How will it affect such a person? You do not need a master’s degree in psychology to conclude that it will not work best, you do not even need the wit of your world, you do not even need half a mind of this world, but, people…

To such a person the above mentioned questions will create pressure, over time they will think that it is not worth enough if there is no one (because sometimes in someone else’s eyes you are not worth enough) and then… Then they will start to think the same thing and end up with someone who is just enough to be in a relationship, and only so much is not enough. I’ll say it again – only so much is not enough.

So, my dears, the next time you have a need to ask someone what are they are waiting for when it comes to relationship or marriage, bite your tongue and bang your head along the way. Here it really is. Because of you people are under pressure, because of you, that mentality that you have to be married with two children by the age of thirty or you are not worth it, has spread.

Because of you, those same relationships have lost their significance. Because, you know, in most cases it’s not that you can’t find anyone. Sometimes you don’t want to. Sometimes you first want to put yourself as a person and then everything else. Sometimes you just want to live a little more. Sometimes you just want to have a bit of fun and breathe. Sometimes you want to be alone with yourself. Sometimes you don’t want to give this other hope if you know you’re not ready to give yourself enough. Sometimes you don’t want something in half. Sometimes you want everything or nothing and you’re not comfortable with something in between. And that’s fine.

You are not half human that you just need to fill someone up and thus reach the pinnacle of life. I know it sounds wrong, but let’s stay focused.

You don’t need someone to fill you in, someone to make sense of your existence. You are already a complete person.

You need someone who will accept that whole of you, who will motivate you to be an even better person, who will understand you, who will go through thorns and stars with you. You need someone to whom you will be and all that; and support and motivation. You need someone to wake up your butterflies in your stomach, but also break you with the rough truth when needed. You need someone with whom you can step into a healthy future.

And of course, you only need it while you’re ready, whether it’s twenty or fifty.

And this rest … You can throw this rest out of the house just like the Christmas lights after this parade.

8 thoughts on “In a sea of obligations, love should not be one of them”

  1. We’re all individuals and some of us move at a slower pace, especially when it comes to relationships. Some have their ideas about how things should be and what people should do and even when they should do it. It’s pretty crazy really but that’s what many people do. I think it’s fine. Just ignore them for the most part. If they have a problem with how I do things, guess what? They don’t have to live my life. Only I do. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love is definitely important. And the most important love of all is the love you have for yourself. Your most important relationship is the relationship you have with yourself.

    When you are happy and content within yourself, you won’t worry about what other people think or say. Nor should you, because you have no control over what other people think and say. So leave them to it! What you CAN control is how you react to them, your own emotions. When you’re happy within yourself and love yourself, you can be confident in your own choices – and leave others to their opinions without letting them bother you.

    The irony is, when you reach this point of self-love and contentment, you tend to find that great relationships come along as if by magic (if you want them), because you attract the right kind of person when you give off that vibe.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love love! I can relate to the frequently ask question, “When are you getting married?” With us, there is no rush. We have three beautiful kiddos who care for and love daily. . .and that is just enough. When we marry we will marry, but I do understand why family members such as parents and/or grandparents ask it frequently. Time waits for no one and with life being unexpected, things tragic things happen. They just want to be apart and witness something beautiful before there time is up.

    P.s. I love your quote”only so much is not enough,” Would it be okay if I use it?

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  4. Couldn’t agree more! I truly believe the best way to be in a relationship is to feel full yourself and take it from there. I’m always reminded by the poetry of Rupi Kaur “”I do not want to have you to fill the empty parts of me I want to be full on my own”. I’d also add to this about kids too. There’s such an assumption, particularly for women, that you have to have kids to be fulfilled. It’s insensitive for many reasons, you don’t know whether some is trying etc etc, but also the assumption that you’re not whole without them or fulfilling your ‘role’. Grrrr….

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What I love about Christmas is the time and laughter with little miss 6 – while it’s just the two of us, it’s still moments of fun and games! The excitement — and her insistence of leaving out 8 carrots for the reindeer (what am I going to do with 8 carrots now? Perhaps I’ll try my hand at making gluten-free carrot cake!)

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  6. Interesting topic, I think it’s difficult at some times, but we need to find the one who can be someone. However, at some point, you might find a person who isn’t your type but can be understandable and bind with each other so well.

    Liked by 1 person

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