The only thing you’re guilty of is that you still believe the lie that you’re not good enough just the way you are

mischievouswordsbymartaazra

We women lie so much. And not with those evil, environmentally dangerous lies. No. These lies are dangerous and fatal only for us.

There is no time.

To live. To dream, to travel, to build.

Because we need to get married, give birth, iron and cook urgently, because otherwise we are late somewhere. And where exactly? At your own funeral? Where are we late? I would like to ask all the mothers and grandmothers and aunts and neighbors and cousins and girlfriends who constantly ask every unmarried woman without children and mention her biological clock and say – ‘And that boy was really handsome and looked at you nicely’, like mine did to me until I got married.

And of all the things I don’t like, I don’t like the most when I’m pushed somewhere where I haven’t even decided yet that I want to go.

But we are constantly being pushed somewhere and something is constantly being blamed on us.

Like for example that we are never skinny enough. What a lie. Deadly for life, as well as a bad marriage, because honestly I have not yet met someone who regretted that they got married late…. You cannot be late for marriage; you get married when you decided you want to!

We are never skinny enough. For whom? Or to whom? And who is it relevant to measure the width of our tits and ass? And comment on cellulite? To tell you the truth my husband never noticed I have cellulite on my ass.

It’s always a measure and a mention of how that neighbor lost three kilos and how that other neighbor gained ten and how to take care of the weight – health as, and not because you and your cellulite would not accidentally be targeted by the wicked ‘ good-neighborly ‘languages.

Of course, this includes the famous shops that you enter with anxiety and go on the verge of a nervous breakdown, because their numbers from 38 to 44 are not similar to normal numbers from 38 to 44, worn by all normally built women, who have tits and hips, as nature intended for them. Because there! Designers know! And it is quite clear to them that the female purpose is to be a board! Although she should somehow squeeze the baby through those non-existent hips, which are not cut to be straight but round.

So you start crossing boutiques and buying rags on the go, anywhere and anytime, because it’s important to you that you like them and that you feel good in them and not that you drive stupid fashion and swear mother nature for giving you hips and tits.

And you get bored of hating your female skin just because you’re not ideal, because you don’t have 20 pounds with a bed, you didn’t get married, you didn’t have three kids, you didn’t get disappointed in life, you don’t whine from 0 to 24, you don’t spill like half of your female relatives from hollow into the void, you don’t tell the neighbors that the ‘better’ laundry detergent in the store is at a discount and you still believe in dreams, you’re even actually so cheeky as to make them come true.

And that alone! Without a man!

What sacrilege! There is something wrong with you girl.

And you dance in the early morning, you sing by the open windows so that the whole street listens to you. And you go to yoga and salsa classes and you go out every weekend, you laugh until late into the night with all those friends of yours – the same lunatics who are building a career, instead of thinking about what others are doing.

How dare you?

Live your life the way you want and still be so happy, in the sea of all those who do everything by force, have everything and nothing and a lot of envy towards you who do not account to anyone and go where you want.

This is what we need to lift the middle finger all in a row! Not because some politician in an attempt said so, because he is totally irrelevant to our lives. Relevant are mothers, grandmothers, aunts, neighbors – those who raise us and who tell us that we need to do what they had to, because otherwise we do not satisfy the norm. And they rarely admit that they had other plans, dreams they could not go after and that their mothers and grandmothers poisoned them with their learned ignorance.

And I’m not saying that marriage and husband and children are a bad thing. No, in fact. To me, marriage is great and I wouldn’t change anything. But it is wrong that we still think we have the right to tell women that they have failed if they have not married and given birth, that everything else in life they have achieved is not worth it to them if they have not fulfilled their ‘female purpose’. And that they should be beautiful and slender at least until they “win” someone – anyone, so they can get married and give birth, to least two, and then they can do whatever they want, because they can always justify their weight and cellulite with childbirth, even though it may have passed more than 15 years.

Women are evil! And this is coming from a woman her self.

They are evil with their ‘good’ intentions and ‘benevolent’ advice and their ‘honest’ opinions, because behind it all are poisonous arrows of their own disappointments, resentments and often jealousy.

Because those truly happy women I know, they never told me I needed a man and a marriage and a child and a pile of ironed clothes. They never told me I was unrealized and late. We never talked about diets, nor about how our hips defy gravity and how we won’t shop in some boutiques because we were always too busy in our conversations talking about the nice things that were happening to us.

We were busy living our lives, having someone or no one. And so it should be, we should be happy, whether we want that fairy tale about marriage and children or not. Being a housewife or a careerist. Or both. Yes, you can be both if you want to.

Being solo or married or divorced or disinterested or gay.

Had 60, 80 or 130 pounds.

Buying their rags in the boutiques or in flea markets.

And we should stop lying to ourselves that we will be happy when we meet all the conditions that the society demands of us.

And to get into the number of smaller jeans and get married in white and brag on Facebook about our perfect little family, which is perfect only if mom, dad and baby are on it. Not if there’s a mom and son on it, and maybe a cat. Or if dad and kids are on it. Or mom and mom and kids. Or you and him. No children and unmarried. Or… continue the sequence.

You’re only worth it if you’re Catholic-bred, buttoned up, married al ’chaste with two, optimally three children, a house, a mortgage, a Golf bought on credit, and a retriever in the backyard. And if you work at a kiosk, in a store or if you really have to work at a bank counter and you don’t have ‘stupid ideas’ about your career and you let your husband be the boss and earn more, for ‘peace in the house’ and if you listen to all those empty spikes of your vain society and the same ‘values’ you teach your daughter.

Only then are you worth it. And then why are you angry that you live in a country where every villager pushes his fingers into your crotch and decides how many pounds you are beautiful enough with? And can you have an abortion if someone rapes you? Because even that rape is a relative thing anyway, if you wore a slightly shorter skirt, because woman – you provoked, and he ‘got a little wet’, he is ‘only a man’ and all that is ‘forgotten’ quickly.

What are you surprised about now?

If you keep repeating the same lie day after day – about who you need to be to be happy. Because darling you know, your happiness is your thing, no matter how it looks to you and how you live it. It’s your thing whatever they think about it. You make your own rules in life.

Published by mischievouswordsbymartaazra

A dancer, a writter and a photographer who enjoys every moment in life

31 thoughts on “The only thing you’re guilty of is that you still believe the lie that you’re not good enough just the way you are”

  1. It is very unfortunate that as women many of us put ourselves down saying we aren’t enough until… (fill in the blank). Thankfully I’ve been working through those thoughts and now KNOW that I (and all my other ladies) are strong and perfect exactly where they are at in life!

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  3. This time in recent months has been a blessing, allowing me time to focus on myself and revisit so much. We are all enough and need to shut the door to the little voice and what others say or feel. We are our biggest enemies and need to know we are perfect as is, we control our lives, we are our voice. Having said that, it wasn’t always that I felt this way, only in recent times and with age. Age is a blessing.

    Keep speaking out and sharing with others. Love the post.

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  5. Thank you for such an insightful post, obviously as a man I can’t understand what women go through in regards to this. But I always try to be supportive of my partner and employee her to do what makes her happy regardless of what other people say.

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  6. Thank you for the wonderful post! We are all good enough and knowing it makes all the difference. We do compare and doubt ourselves way too much and just need to be our best selves and live.

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  7. Thank you for sharing this great post. We are all good enough but sometimes it can be hard to believe, we compare ourselves and doubt ourselves way too much rather than just being our true selves and live our life the way we want too.

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  13. You penned down the true facts about women. I have faced similar before and after marriage. I was having a normal independent life but then you have to get married. Parents getting sleepless nights. And then after I got married, it was like I must be the perfect girl. Now I really don’t care. I do what I want and I shut down people who try to force me to be perfect.

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  16. YES to ALL of this!!! Thank you so much for your honestly, transparency, and these very important reminders. I honestly really needed to read this today and I’m so glad I did.

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  17. Thank you so much for this post. It’s really sad when society puts so much pressure on how a woman should be. How they should look like, that they should marry already, etc.

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  19. I feel like no matter what women do, we’re never enough. There is so much pressure on us to be the perfect woman but that definition of perfect changes from individual to individual and heaven forbid we stuff up. Letting go of societal pressures is so liberating and freeing! It helps create this calmness that you might not ever think possible.

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  21. I absolutely loved reading through this! It’s so true that women are conditioned to constantly feel like we are not enough, when we truly are. As individuals devoid of anyone else.

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  22. There will always be things to work on, and to perceive ourselves as not good enough until we work on those things is such an insidious idea that gets into our heads. We must fight against it!

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  24. Wow, what a powerful piece. This says everything I have been thinking and saying for a decade because I only got married nine days ago, and I’m forty years old. It’s disgusting how the married women I know dismissed me and my problems because I wasn’t married and a mom. My stress wasn’t stress because I didn’t have kids. My chores weren’t tiring because I didn’t hav e kids. My life didn’t matter because I didn’t have a husband and kids. I was a failure and had to listen to them say, “one day, it’ll happen” and “when you have kids one day” and on and on. And I wondered about everything you said–why are they doing this? I’m happy. I matter. Thank you for saying what needed saying.

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  25. This is such an important post and covers some really important topics that get glossed over far too much. I’m single – and swear I never hear the end of it, like I need a man in my life. Loved this, thanks for sharing.

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  27. Girl, I read something in a book yesterday saying “the fate of women is to suffer” and the way I nearly screamed I REBUKE IT!!!! hahahahaah I feel you on this. I dislike and discredit the idea that those who are remembered in life or who are allowed/encouraged to live sensationally are men. Bump that! I’m with you in this post.

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