You have the right to choose your chaos, but I also have the right to choose my peace

Sometimes you just want your cup of coffee and one, small, precious moment of peace and quiet. Because you get tired. From people, from their demands, from their noise and all those things that could be so beautiful and simple, that people don’t complicate them.

And they are very skilled at it. They complicate with over-analysis, combinations, and overflowing from hollow to empty. They complicate because they don’t want to stop and listen, because their ego doesn’t let them talk, because they think they know everything best, because they’re too afraid of change, because they’re not used to the world and other people changing and that’s actually a good thing resembling and how would we live if we never moved from place to place?

Excessive, unrealistic demands and empty analyzes draw the last atom of strength from a person who had both the will and intention to help someone or solve something.

So they exhausted me too. And I’ve gotten to the point where I just let people make chaos for themselves as much as they want and I no longer try to get involved in weird stories and offer seemingly clear solutions. Because I am aware that many people dear to me have a need to complicate, invent problems for each solution and simply live in their own little hell of thought.

The negative is something they have learned and habits are hard to change.

And I had this habit of always making the same, black movies, of fear changing me, of being afraid of myself and people and life, but then at some point I realized that life was still happening, either I was living it or just watching.

And I decided that I didn’t want to waste my time and I didn’t want to watch life go by, but I wanted to live it.

Of course it didn’t happen overnight and I didn’t become a joyful flower out of that gloomy rut, but over a long period of time, naturally innate curiosity and joy helped me break away from the learned, gray patterns of thought.

Now I very rarely react to the first. It’s very difficult for me to be so upset at something so much that it would drive me completely insane. Very rarely do people manage to influence me to the point that I get angry or panic in an instant. I learned that neither panic nor fear are allies and that it is good to stay calm and look at the situation realistically.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have more fears. It doesn’t mean that nothing bothers me and that I live with pink glasses on my nose. It just means that not everything requires either my reaction or my presence. And that some people would do whatever they set out to do anyway, I reacted and got upset about it or not.

Life is much more beautiful and much simpler when you accept the things that have happened and when you realize that they do not define you. And that something may be embarrassing right now, but the next day may be completely different.

We find solutions when we are calm and collected.

And when we can calmly look at a situation and assess whether something that seems okay, an instant solution, is actually good for us in the long run.

People in panic borrow money, take out unfavorable loans, have hysterical attacks, and see what is not there. They attack partners because they are jealous, nervous and quarrelsome… and do themselves harm in the long run.

Some things you can’t change in an instant and that’s great. Some things you can just accept and calmly watch the situation unravel.

We are all aware of the situation that has changed the world and our way of life in the past 6 months, but we have had nothing from excessive panic, except the really bad and hasty actions that brought us the economic crisis. Human life was protected on the one hand, in order to endanger that same human life on the other. People don’t just die from viruses, they die slowly from fears, poverty, depression… because these are all conditions that lead to the edge.

I think we should continue to be responsible. We need to protect ourselves and our loved ones, and causally consequently society, but that we could have done some things differently, that in addition to epidemiologists, economic experts could also be heard – that they were. Would it be better? I believe it would.

Now we still have the virus, and we have the collapse of the economy.

Panic got us nowhere. And that is just one example that we are all witnessing. There are a million other examples in our daily lives that we all encounter in some form.

Breakups, divorces, illnesses, jobs, stresses, everyone has their own torment and some challenge. And if it doesn’t, then they invent them, because a lot of people just don’t know how to function if there’s no chaos around them.

They choose chaos because it is familiar to them, because they are used to it, because chaotic relationships and situations feed programs that spin in their heads and without which they think they would no longer be the person they are. They choose suffering, agony, fidgeting in fears because they think that this is how it should be, that they have such karma… because they are afraid of the reactions of the environment, condemnation, pointing a finger at them.

They think they are doing someone a favor by remaining in that suffering.

They think that their children will be grateful if they remain married to a person they no longer love and with whom they do not agree. They think they will lose a secure job if they ask for a raise or stand up for themselves in an environment that is violent and intolerant towards them. Because they are afraid to move from a bad neighborhood or from the continent to the sea. Because they are with a partner who has taken root and does not want to move. Because they are afraid to get out of the familiar. Quit. Start something of your own. Do what drives them and what they burn for because they are afraid to leave safety.

But security is a fallacy because nothing is certain. That’s what the Covid has taught us. No secure jobs. There is nothing that in certain circumstances could not collapse, shake and change.

And clinging to that false sense of security is the greatest possible self-deception that most people suffer from. Just like the woman whose shot of the cart and 6000 bags of dry yeast at the beginning of the pandemic in Croatia, visited all the media. Like the scene where she beats her husband on the arm because he objected to her greed. Yeast was her safety. False protection from the notion of hunger and the change that knocked on the door. And I wonder if she learned anything from that nonsense of hers and has she baked those 6,000 loaves in the meantime?

We all know the answer to that question.

Living in chaos is a decision that many make on a daily basis, walking the beaten path of their own habits. Those same thoughts swirl in people’s heads, the same way they drink coffee or light a cigarette and inhale smoke.

Life on autopilot of your own misfortune and anger when at the end of the ballad you just tell them, ‘Okay’. So you turn around and continue on your way. Because you’ve learned that there’s nothing for you from getting upset and trying to help someone who doesn’t really want that help.

Okay, stay in your shit.
Okay, live with problems that are easy to solve.
Okay, stay in a relationship where you’re not happy.
Okay, live a shitty average life.

Just don’t whine about it to me anymore. And don’t call me if you don’t mean to change anything about it.

10 thoughts on “You have the right to choose your chaos, but I also have the right to choose my peace”

  1. I can’t really go into detail about a discussion I recently had with my Mum about security (it was healthcare and job related) but I was trying to explain that her assumptions about certain things giving us security (me and the husband) were actually not certain or something that actually gives true security and that illness or pandemics have proven this. Your post is excellent at explaining this!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There are many truths in this article of yours and I can very much identify with you.
    We are only responsible for ourselves. Everything changes, we, the world, the circumstances, because the meaning is growth. It is important to maintain a positive attitude towards life, and we will be able to cope with everything (circumstances, emotions, situations, challenges, problems, …) more easily.
    Great written!

    Liked by 1 person

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