Better to be alone than with the wrong people

Be kind. Be nice to others. Respect everyone. Don't say ugly words. Don't shout. Smile a little, you look nervous. People don't like that. Find friends. Hang out so you don't get rejected. Find a boyfriend. Why haven't you found him yet? What's the problem?

Do these declarative and interrogative sentences sound familiar to you?

Directly or indirectly, all our lives we are taught that we must please others in order to be successful. We are afraid that we will be left alone if we do not make a little effort. We are told that the client is always right and that it is better to bite your tongue than to say nonsense.

Roughly, our whole life teaches us that everyone else comes first and only then do we come.

But why? Why is being alone so much scarier than being with people, especially if they are bad for us?

I’m not saying people are bad. Each of us has our own qualities and our own value, but the truth is that not everyone is the same for everyone as not everything is for everyone.

I’m not even saying it’s bad to be good, polite and have respect, but it’s also true that we don’t have to feel bad if we sometimes fail at it.

I wonder why we aren’t taught that it’s okay to put ourselves first, fuck off people who suck our energy out and next to whom we feel like a garbage bag just standing by and waiting to be filled with garbage.

We don’t need waste in life. None of us. We don’t need a friend who just thinks of himself and uses every opportunity to take advantage of us. We don’t even need a husband next to whom we will feel empty and less valuable. We don’t need a client, a boss or a business partner with whom we feel as if we have been run over by a train and then another truck.

We don’t need that.

None of us.

I wonder why we are not taught that it is okay to have standards and stick to them. And why there is always some selfishness and pickiness associated with it.

It is not bad to have standards. It just means that we have learned how much we are worth and that, among others, we respect ourselves. This means that we know what we want and that we do not plan to spend our own or other people’s time just to pass the time.

We shouldn’t even get angry if we don’t fit someone’s standards. On the contrary, we must be grateful to them for letting us know immediately. They saved us from days, weeks, and months of toilsome hope, unhealthy fantasies, and life on needles.

I wonder why we are not taught that we are the ones we hang out with, that everyone we spend time with affects us and changes our perspective.

Maybe we would choose smarter. Perhaps we would concentrate more on character and on what it carries within itself, and a little less on what it has. Perhaps we would rather recognize those who feed and lift us, and rather renounce those who drag us to the bottom.

Because that’s all that matters at the end of the day.

It doesn’t matter how many people we are surrounded by, whether we are in a relationship or not. What matters is how they affect us, how we feel with them, whether we click or just push. Whether we build or lose our minds.

At the end of the day, we don’t have to fear loneliness. We must be afraid of spilling energy on the wrong people.

4 thoughts on “Better to be alone than with the wrong people”

  1. This post is fab and insightful! It’s so important to figure out who you are and love yourself first as not only will you enjoy your own company but you’ll radiate love, and find the right people surrounding you xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve been doing some life coaching this year and only now have I realised how much I’ve lived my life for everyone else and never actually followed what I wanted to do. Having standards is so important. I know it’s hard to feel like you’re going to be alone if you don’t stick with people that might have different values etc from you but eventually, it’s just going to drain you and make you so unhappy x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s so important to have good people around us in all aspects of our lives (as much as possible). I think we need a good mix of people to keep us open and mindful of different values, etc but if there is an element of toxicity in a relationship or interaction, it’s time to let that go and move away from it. Loved this post — very informative and thought-provoking.

    Liked by 1 person

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