“I would never think he’s depressed.”

I often hear that sentence. Honestly, it doesn’t surprise me. To know at all who is depressed and who is not when we trivialize everything.

She has a low-cut T-shirt – she’s a whore. She is wearing only turtlenecks – uptight. She has branded clothes – she is a gold digger. No branded clothes – certainly no money. She has children at the age of 20 – she ruined her life. No children at the age of 20 – so what are you waiting for, the biological clock is ticking ?!

He drives a BMW with German license plates – a peasant. He drives any powerful car with Croatian license plates – he just full of shit. Riding the tram – unsuccessful. He’s wearing a pink T-shirt – He’s gay. He wears only nice shirts – mama’s boy.

And so on. And so on. Etc.

When we trivialize everything like that and judge on the basis of I don’t know what, then how do we know who is depressed or has some other mental disorder? The answer is simple – we can’t know.

We can never know what someone is going through or has been going through and how it affects today’s version of him. We cannot know who is tormented, it stings, scratches, oppresses and inhibits. We cannot know what traumas he encountered and how they affected him. We cannot know who is who while he is completely alone, with his thoughts and torments.

That is why we should not even judge, draw conclusions and perhaps only make it even more difficult. Especially now that life gives us tragedy after tragedy and each of us sometimes pretends like nothing is happening. Purely to feel better about ourselves and everything around us.

And purely because we don’t want to bother others with our problems either. Especially those heavier ones. These aren’t exactly topics for family dinners or coffees with friends either. Even if they are, it is not something that is easy to talk about.

That’s why the vast majority of mental disorders are so dangerous – because you never know who’s on the edge.

Many times these are not even people who are visibly sad and upset. I’ve written before that depression doesn’t mean being sad so I won’t repeat myself now. You can read it if you want.

Many times these are the people who put on a smile even if there is no gleam in their eyes. Those who joke to forget about problems. Those with the best advice and the most compassion because they know what it’s like while you’re at the bottom and because they’ve already gone through everything alive and inanimate on their own.

Many times they are also the most ambitious. Those who look as if everything is going their way and as if they are holding all the strings in their hands. But watch out, they just look like that!

Just like all these stars.

They were all successful, big, ambitious, seemingly happy; they entertained and made people laugh, right? Then why were they depressed? We do not know. We can never know what their path was and how many obstacles they got stuck on that same path.

We all mess around a bit by always being strong and by not talking about real problems because then people get used to it. Eventually they stop asking us if we need help because they know we can on our own. While sentences like “I would never say he’s depressed” or “come on, what a depression, you have everything you need” cut, cut and hurt in a whole new way.

Leaving us to feel even worse and reminding us why we never talk about it.

So let’s be considerate of each other. Especially now. Let’s listen to each other. We don’t have to give advice, let’s just listen. Let’s be supportive and not judge anyone in whose shoes we haven’t taken a step.

We lend a hand not only to those who seek it but also to those who do not seek it – because perhaps they need it the most.

Let’s be human and then everything else.

11 thoughts on ““I would never think he’s depressed.””

  1. Depression doesn’t make sense, you can have everything according to the world’s standards and still be depressed. You’re right, let’s show compassion instead of judgment and hopefully, it can encourage someone to get the help they need.

    All the best, Michelle (michellesclutterbox.com)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes! This is SO important to discuss! I have been battling depression for years now, and am doing well at this point (thanks to medication – I share this only because I hope that it will help someone else feel comfortable taking this step if they are unsure due to the stigma). That being said, there have been times over the years where I was struggling but refused to show it. You use all the energy you have to put on a mask and put up a front, careful to make sure that you’re appearing ‘fine’ for everyone around you and plugging forward in the best way that you can. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t breaking inside.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Depression doesn’t have a look – I think it’s so important that we remember that. Fake smiling and laughing are so deceiving, especially if you’ve done it for so long. I once genuinely forgot what it felt like to be happy so I would just laugh at myself for having these problems. Depression is a silent killer 💔

    Caroline | https://envirolineblog.com

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I completely agree with all of this. Depression doesn’t discriminate. There is never necessarily a reason why someone becomes depressed. It just happens and then that person ends up putting on a smile for everyone else, while deep inside they are really struggling. Sometimes the signs for others are there, but because that person is smiling and appears happy they often only see that and not the other warning signs. Thank you for highlighting this issue x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Really important post. I hate the whole “what depression looks like” mentality because it’s utter BS. Depression doesn’t look like ANYTHING. It just is. And you absolutely cannot judge someone on their outer exterior as to whether they suffer with depression or not. It can present itself in a million ways and there’s no one size fits all.

    Liked by 1 person

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