I don’t think there is anything sadder, but when people stop caring about themselves

I saw so many faces, exhausted, numb, empty… I saw souls who didn't care about anything anymore and I wondered; how the hell does a man become so empty?

How does everything break down in you so much that you no longer have the will to fight? For dreams, for ideals, for change, for the better…for yourself?

I remember one such meeting, not so long ago, just two years ago. In the eyes of a man I liked, I saw something that sounded like fear but was actually a weakness. The one that in a couple of days turned into complete despair, from despair to hopelessness and after it to dullness.

I remember thinking that I could go through anything in life, but I would never allow myself to become so empty, to become so numb that it didn’t matter if it was night or day, I was breathing or I was already in a hole with worms, if I had someone or anyone in this world?

From that day on, I experienced both beautiful and sad moments. Some infinitely difficult, some indescribably wonderful. Successes, failures, disappointments and lavish celebrations. Warm kisses, sad farewells… life.

And, no matter how difficult it was for me, no matter how impossible it seemed, at no time did I feel such hopelessness that I would not believe that there was anything better. And, if there is tomorrow. And, how all bad things can change in an instant.

Giving up is not my choice.

It never occurred to me to give up.

But people give up. They give up every day.

Life defeats them and they let him. They defeat themselves and lose their sense and will to be.

The are defeated by a hard year. They are defeated by a bad relationship, they are defeated by work and unpaid bills. They are defeated by debts, diseases, earthquakes…

But most of all, they are defeated by that kind of melancholy to which they simply indulge.

I don’t blame them. There are days when it is difficult to lift your head from the pillow, let alone get up and go into the day, to meet everything and everything, all the misery and unbelief. There are those days and they often turn into a week and a month and sometimes a year.

But I would be damned if I allowed myself to turn into life. And, to bite it from the inside out, or like moths, along the edges.

Life on autopilot!

Escape from reality, from oneself and from life comes easily to some, as when they light a fresh cigarette with cold coffee, completely unaware that they have just extinguished the previous one and that they are drying themselves from that inhalation of tobacco and tar.

It comes easily to them because they live on autopilot. Rarely do you notice anything around you, and even less so within yourself. It was as if they froze at some point, at some point in their lives when it was simply too much for them, and they might have had no one to take their hand and whisper gently in their ear; “Hey, raise your head, it’ll be better. It must get better. “

Maybe the thing is, they shouldn’t have been held by the hand. Maybe they needed a slap, that cold shower and a patch in the middle of the face to call out, twitch, get back to reality, to that difficult but necessary “now and here.”

Maybe they didn’t have someone to slap them, someone who would care enough to get mad at them and shout.

Maybe they were alone, and maybe they chose to be. I don’t blame them, I repeat, but I can’t say that I understand them, because I think that weakness is a choice.

The choice is to indulge. The choice is to give up. The choice is to indulge yourself and say you can't do better.

Someone will say I’m very young and even more naive, but don’t be fooled by my youthful face. Behind him burns a soul that has gone through all sorts of sorrows and troubles, many “to be or not to be” moments and had justifiable reasons to give up, but has chosen to fight. Try to. At least one more time. And despite circumstances that did not go in my favor.

Perhaps the point is that such moments harden a man. You meet the worst directly and realize how precious life is, how much each minute is worth, and how many reversals are possible. You start believing in little miracles and you appreciate every breath.

That’s why I argue – giving up is a choice, just like everything else. And if you allow yourself to not care about anything, then you deserve to be passed by life and people, like a passing station.

Fight! Pull yourself up, fight, roll up your sleeves. Scream, cry, protest – but breathe life and live it, no matter how hard and cruel it is sometimes. No matter how many blows he gave you and no matter how much the circumstances didn’t go your way.

It’s just such a moment and such a day and such a period, but not all life is like that. It’s not. And don’t let it become, to be just the one you remember after giving up, like a statistical error in some stupid writing.

Every day is a new opportunity, and every trouble becomes a lesson and a valuable experience, if we choose to look at things that way. It’s not easy. It really isn’t, but it pays to challenge yourself and set a goal. Is it worth raising your ladder so high, at least to see how far we are willing to go?

There is something true in that old saying – “Aim for the moon. Because even if you miss, you will end up among the stars.”

And failure is, my people, certainly better than giving up.

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P.S.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who read this blog every day, because you helped me realize my big dream, and that is half a million unique visits.

In December, that dream came true. And once not so long ago, in a difficult and challenging moment, I was on the verge of giving up on this story. Thanks to everyone who held my hand at that moment.