Why do we sometimes shrink ourselves to make others feel better?

A lot has happened since the last post… My life has turned a little in the other direction so everything was messed up, what can I tell you. I love to plan and everything has to have its order and place for me, but life almost never turns out according to plan.

The terraces have opened so I can finally drink coffee for two hours without feeling guilty because “I’m on coffee” and enjoy as I finish my second book and prepare it for publication.

It could be said that everything is finally going well, but one thing bothered me these days.

Decreasing the value of oneself

Namely, several times I caught myself consciously diminishing just so that the people around me would not feel bad. Who knows how many times I did it unknowingly. And I wonder – why are we doing this?

Why is it embarrassing for us to say loud and clear how great we are, how we have succeeded and how everything is finally going our way? Why does this seem to us to be something that is inappropriate and sometimes even disgusting? Because you know times are hard, people are struggling, you don’t want to shove your achievements on their noses.

On the other hand, when there is a problem, when something needs to be complained about, it is not a problem. Sometimes it even seems desirable for people around you to see that you are also a man of flesh and blood, to feel better. And of course, I am the first to point out the problems and talk about them out loud, but it is not normal for me that only one side of the medal is talked about out loud.

It is not normal for me to be loud about the problem, and on successes, whether they are smaller or bigger, we close our eyes and just ask what the next problem is.

And it’s not normal for me that sometimes we think it’s better to keep those same successes to ourselves so it doesn’t turn out to brag or I don’t know what. Like it’s a bad thing. Sometimes it’s like it’s a sin to be proud of yourself.

As if it is a sin to say loud and clear that, I don’t know, you found a job while only lay off’s are shared, passed the first exam that everyone struggles with, sculpted a body while we all gained weight… And even that you are happy while everyone’s world falls apart.

These are not things we have to feel bad or ashamed of, these are things we all need to celebrate together. And people… We should not hide from them, but show them that it is okay to rejoice in someone else’s happiness, that it does not diminish them, that they should not look at it as a threat but as inspiration. Especially if those success are of other women!

We need to learn to rejoice in both our own and others ’happiness.

We should not feel bad because we are better or because we are more fortunate than others. Nor should we feel bad if someone else is better or more fortunate than us. Our time will come, we need to believe in it.

We need to stop walking on needles, and start walking upright, heads held high and with faith in ourselves.

10 thoughts on “Why do we sometimes shrink ourselves to make others feel better?”

  1. A passage from one of my favourite quotes is, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” I think this sums up this post great because we do sometimes shrink ourselves for others and my God we need to stop that!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s so true we sometimes put others before ourselves. I have a horrible habit of being a people pleasers and constantly worrying about what others think of me. Its hard to change but I am working on myself. Awesome post.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing this. I usually use a term for this uncanny behaviour, it is called ‘self-effacing.’ It can be good for relationships at first, but too much internalisation can be injurious to the mind, we sometimes need to let the joy flow as readily as it comes.

    Liked by 1 person

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