Yes, I’m guilty

It has always been difficult for me to connect. Maybe I’m cold, maybe I’m closed, maybe I’m traumatized, maybe I have too high standards, and maybe I just don’t understand this world.

I don’t like superficial relationships, so-called small talk and smiling in the face while in fact no one likes it. I don’t like relationships without energy, which are forced purely so that we don’t feel lonely, or because we benefit from each other. I run away from it and I am, it’s my fault that I’m not always kind and friendly.

Sometimes I’m too friendly and love too much, even when the person didn’t deserve it. I value loyalty and give it unconditionally to those around me. Little to say it cost me.

Many times I “dramatized” and “exaggerated the little things” when I cared and when I wanted the best for people who did not want it for themselves, I tried to save those who do not want to save themselves. So, yes, I am guilty because sometimes I give too much to those who do not give the same for me.

I am also guilty because I love the truth more than lies.

I am guilty because I will say without any problems that something is wrong, that it can be better or God forbid, that I don’t like a person or that something is not right with him. I may just be judging, but I am, I am guilty because I trust my instinct and energy more than what is served to me.

I respect everyone, everyone’s work and effort, everyone’s time and everyone’s story (unless it reassures me) and I expect the same from others. You have no respect for me? Are you taking advantage of my good will? Am I only good to you when you need me? Hello hello. Yes, I’m guilty, I don’t like jerks, I’m selfish.

I don’t fall for gifts, money, status and power.

If you ask me, we are all just people at the end of the day. We are different and our life situations can be heaven and earth, but we are all of flesh and blood and the only thing that matters is – who is a man and who is just breathing.

And yes, I am guilty because I choose people according to their true values, not according to the benefit I can get from them. I may actually be stupid about it, but at least my soul is calm.

I’m not waiting for the perfect opportunity but I’m creating it. As I draw something, I seize every opportunity to make it happen. I live proactively and I don’t like passivity. I also don’t like people who just look for the culprit in others instead of looking in the mirror. I don’t like people who never like anything, and don’t even bother to change the situation. I don’t like people who say that others just matched up better in life, and they themselves never took risks.

Yes, it’s my fault because I throw myself into the water many times while it’s safer on land. I am guilty because I am reckless many times and I go head over heels through a wall. I’m guilty because I don’t feel bad about it. I am guilty because I do not regret any failure. It was from them that successes arose.

I live my life and I don’t care what others do or have.

I don’t care what the neighbor does with his life, I don’t care who the fifth-generation cousin of a friend’s cousin is in a relationship with, I don’t care who drank whom at the club on the ninth week of the year.

Yes, I’m not interested in those things, I’m guilty.

I rejoice in someone else’s success, I cry every time I see others cry, I don’t like misfortune whether it’s mine or someone else’s, I support others in everything that makes them happy and I hate people who condemn everything they don’t understand. I think openly, I’m guilty, I am.

I am also guilty of not understanding this world many times. I do not understand superficiality, malice, passivity and everything else that is without soul and heart. I’ve never quite fit in, but that’s perfectly fine.

Few find the rare, right?

1 thought on “Yes, I’m guilty”

  1. I am guilty too Marta! Most people struggle to fit in a nameless growd because they are afraid that others will not like them for being themselves. They care too much for other people’s opinions and if you don’t follow the what they think is the “norm” you are always the weird, the outsider.
    I loved this post as I love most of them!

    Liked by 1 person

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