Sometimes each of us will be recognized in this. As wonderful and beautiful as we are to ourselves or others, we are sometimes vague and naughty.
Why do we carry that code within us, when we know we all come from the same source? We know that each of us is registered to love and hurt, to share laughter and sadness with each other, to teach each other through mutual and individual scars where to go and where not to go?
How life would be a nice place to live, when women would point their fingers at each other less. She has what you don’t have, you have what she doesn’t have. Why eternal rivalry, quarreling and interference without measure and respect for personal boundaries? Why humiliation and condemnation at first? So many complications and so many are actually similar.
You, like me, worry every day about whether those few extra pounds can be seen or not. You worry about what impression you will leave today, whether you are beautiful enough, attractive, smiling, neat and tidy. You also hide your gaze from yourself in the mirror, hiding under oversized clothes and all those stretch marks you earned in the winter by gaining a little more weight than usual, or you got them by bringing a new being into the world.
And cellulite, ah that damn famous cellulite. Why don’t you photoshop when they’re already doing all this? How are you going to go to the beach this summer and hide from prying eyes … Look at the miracles, men won’t look at you like that, it’s women who will dissect you. It’s best to ruin your summer and your life, it’s best to put a bag on yourself and go public like that.
Why are we programmed to sow evil and condemnation sometimes?
To compare, compete and scold each other? I remember, I had one particularly silly one at school. Who imitated my every new move, who had to have the same clothes as me, she even learned my vocabulary and didn’t know how to express herself in her own way, so she stole all mine.
She got to the point that she even had to love the ones I loved. I didn’t realize it, it was driving me crazy so many times a day that I often imagined her as a cartoon character that I so gladly grab by the neck or hit a pan on the head.
You know what I’m talking about… As school ended, so we broke up. I thought, the agony would end, she would turn to herself and her life. And there she is, so many years later, she still suffers to keep up with me. She had to get married earlier and shove it down my nose. You know, I have someone of my own, you know I’m happy. You, you’re still there, doing this and that, you haven’t succeeded in your plan yet.
Yes, I believe you have similar ones. Unfortunately. The problem is that this is how we encourage and understand each other. You talk to your friends about when it’s time for movie night. You laugh and cry because you realize how stupid we are sometimes. You promise yourself that you will no longer tease and compete with each other like that. And you forgot to promise yourself that you would not treat anyone like that. Because, one thing is your pack, I know.
The chosen ones with whom you share all the most intimate secrets, and the other ones are the unknown ones that don’t touch you, right? Is it so easy to condemn and spit on them, make fun of them on the beach, make fun of their heels, skirts, wrongly drawn eyebrows? Why, why don’t you identify with them? Because they’re not part of your pack? Because you don’t know them personally to be gentle with them?
They did not give birth because they are selfish, they gave birth because they have no other choice. They got married because they don’t have a career, they didn’t get married because they have a career. They are ugly, sometimes they are beautiful to you, sometimes you are envious because you think they are better than you.
They have money because they have rich fathers, they have money because they are whores or starlets, they have money thanks to husbands or brothers. They are constantly thin, well-groomed, in great clothes … they probably don’t eat anything, they don’t have health problems. They have too much time for themselves so they just put on makeup and are too focused on the outside.
Jealousy, that damn jealousy.
Jealousy because someone has more luck in life so maybe they have more money. Um, yes. And what can I tell you that this someone may be suffering from an incurable disease, where money can in no way help?
What about the one who has a seemingly perfect life, a dream house, a wonderful husband? And what if her husband doesn’t have time for her, if the children are impossible and extremely disobedient? What if that husband sees her only as his property, the one he has to keep quiet and sit at home? What if she is deeply unhappy? Then she’s stupid because she wants to keep trying to fix some relationships? What about the one who travels often, looks like an airplane and is constantly painted? She has other people’s money like mud, she must be a whore.
Maybe it was those years that she worked hard, without a day off, to do something of her own and really succeed? Maybe traveling to her does not mean happiness but an escape from a reality in which she has no one of her own, no family, no refuge…
What about the skinny one, who can’t seem to gain weight? She must feel fantastic every day, as if she were a God-given muse, without any complexes. Do you know that maybe every day is ugly and sad for her. Because because of that same look, she is harassed and rejected. She is labeled the same as the one who has a few extra pounds.
For her, maybe everyone says she can’t have both wit and beauty. Maybe they say she’s a whore, because it’s a shame to throw such a look away. Maybe they say she’s anorexic because she can’t gain weight? Maybe they think she’s superficial because she seems to have no worries or problems.
Eh. Maybe she’s just tired, from labeling. It seems to be even harder in life than it is to work. Because whatever she gets, a job, a husband, money, a trip, she’s never clear on whether she got it for character or looks. Maybe that’s why her door isn’t open, because maybe she’s too attractive to overshadow others and give complexes to some?
Dear women, we are all the same tribe!
Do you get the point? This scourge cannot be stopped by men, as women are largely responsible for this harassment. You do not realize that WE ARE ALL MEMBERS OF THE SAME PACK. Mothers or non-mothers, workers or non-workers, skinny, middle-aged or chubby, careerists or bohemians, well-groomed or not, with or without make-up, without money or with money… FROM THE SAME KIND.
In our souls we all long for the same. For acceptance and fulfillment. For peace, our corner, our people and love. We go through a hundred or so nervous breakdowns every day, for similar reasons. We all fear that over the years we will be rejected, replaced by a younger model, that we will lose the opportunity for love or offspring, that we will fight beyond recognition, lose ourselves.
Why are we at war?
Then why this war? Why don’t we extend our hands to each other? Why don’t we wish each other sincere happiness, give a sincere smile or compliment? Why don’t we encourage each other and encourage us to work on our uniqueness? As much as we are the same, we are just as different. One cannot overshadow the other, because each has its own key and its own uniqueness. Stop stealing from each other, identities, titles, dresses…
Each will find its own, what belongs to it. Grow together, raise new generations of women together, so that they do not do similar things in the future, so that they can live more easily and focus on what is really important in life, and that is health, happiness and togetherness.
Be women in the true sense of the word. Those who have no problem helping others in any way. Those who will sincerely share a smile and a nice word. Those who know how to withdraw when they should and not hurt each other because of different choices and reactions.
Be women, for God’s sake, you’re not animals to tear each other apart and shy away from each other for fear of stealing each other’s shine.
2 thoughts on “Even though you are a woman, sometimes you are a wolf to another woman”
Really interesting questions raised here … I’m not someone who feels this way about other women and I’m glad I don’t as it does seem to come with some stress, pain and confusion, etc. I tend to always look inwards rather than try and place anything on anyone else’s shoulders or compare myself to another woman. I hope people who feel this way find some way through it as there is no joy in what you’ve explained here.
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This is beacause you do not have internalised misogyny in you. Many of the women have been taught that other women are our enemies, somebody we should look out for and passing down this taught behavior generation after generation is hard to break. I am happy you are one that lifts other women up.