In the hell of violence – how to help yourself and others?

Unfortunately, we live in a toxic and patriarchal world in which we women are asked why we live with an abuser, why have you been silent so far, where has your mind been, how did you allow yourself to do that, and the like? It can be worse where they will condemn us and say what we asked for, we got. Cruel is this world in which the expectation is that we will be submissive and obedient, while those who rape are Manly men in society. These are some of the pieces of expert advice I have come to know, as I am actively working on the issue of gender-based violence.

Let your instincts work

Take a course in self-defense, boxing, or any martial art as you will learn the basics of responding to potential violence. You will hone your instincts, and if you are paralyzed by fear at the time of the attack, you can bite him or scratch him with your fingernails.

His skin in your nails can be an element of evidence if you decide to be brave enough to report violence. Rape or attempted rape is a difficult offense to prove, and what is shocking and most painful is that after the rape you should not take a shower but such, wounded and dirty you should go to the police.

This is recommended for people who are mentally strong to face the problem of rape immediately. What every victim has to go through are gynecological examinations to determine whether violent intercourse has taken place. The question is how much we can rely on psychological expertise in corrupt justice systems. All these details should be explained to the pastors on duty who are the greatest heroes after the battles in which the thugs regularly win and ask why you have been silent so far?

Abusers have no emotions

If your partner ever pushes you away, hits you, or throws something at you, walk away from him. If he yells at you, yells at you, and calls you a whore, a slut, a bitch, you better go. These are the first signs of warning that your partner is a bully and a manipulator who will convince you that you are worthless without him.

It is often a big trap for women to have his threats, blackmail, manipulation, and feelings of dependence on him. You may also be economically dependent on it, but you need to keep it in mind to save your own life. Before you get numb from the blows and before he destroys your identity.

He will never change and you have to know that. No matter how persistently he convinces you and begs for forgiveness. Bullies come from different walks of life, from different backgrounds, but they all have a common sociopathic behavior in which there is no room for emotions.


If you take into account the bitter fact that every third woman has experienced some form of violence, be aware that if you are not currently experiencing it, it may be your friend, sister, mother, aunt, co-worker, or neighbor. If you’re close with her, don’t give up on repeating that she should ask for help. Even if it doesn’t reach her, don’t give up on your role as a parrot.

I know that it is not easy to interfere in other people’s affairs, but we must work to get violence out of the private sphere in practice. The next day, nothing will stop the perpetrator from raping his victim on a tram, beating them on the street, or killing them in a mall. This is a bitter reality.

Therefore, if you hear your neighbor’s husband beating her, report it to the police. If it is a person close to you, listen to her and offer to stay with you for a few days. Then directed her to the accommodation of safe houses, to good psychologists, the police, and every form of help. Don’t give up on saving lives.

Do everything in your power to help. Not to repeat the case of femicide, rape, beating. We must not give up pressure on the police, social welfare, the justice system because violence can happen to any of us.

2 thoughts on “In the hell of violence – how to help yourself and others?”

  1. I really really needed to read this… I don’t tell many people this. But mid November last year I got out of a toxic marraige where the last straw was wishing I would get drugged and then rapped and then qhen I come to my husband for help he will sent me away so I know how he feels at that moment when I said he was drugged but actually was extremely drunk. It was the hardest decision to leave him, since I loved him. In fact I still love him and its difficult to not fall for his sweet talk since we see each other still everyday – sharing a car – . So just from me. Thank you for this post.

    Liked by 1 person

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