Honestly, I don’t want this thought on anyone. Since I am extremely bad at maintaining superficial relationships, I know the intense ones very well. And, it is known that in intense relationships, drama seems to be inevitable. Drastic jumps from close fatal connection to distant indifference. From a burning fire to a frozen fortress. From a varicose vein to a numb body. What is not and is indifference and what is the way to it?
What is not indifference?
Indifference is not proof that you don’t care anymore. “I don’t care” is usually not your path to personal peace and proof that you have gotten over something completely. You get over it when you are overwhelmed with gratitude without remorse for everything and everyone you care about and who you care about. You don’t care anymore when you truly let go of everything that was and isn’t anymore. With silenced and passive remarks, indifference knows how to keep everything going. No forgiveness.
It is said that from hate to love is not a long way. They say that some people, as the worst punishment, do not deserve hatred, but indifference. So they use that stupidity as a silent revenge dedicated to everything and everyone who can’t regret or change. However, punishing another in a state where only you rot is not an endeavor.
Some even embraced a state of indifference as a long-desired peace. But there is a fine difference between the illusion of peace and mere boredom. True serenity and consequent numbness. How to recognize the difference? One can have peace and shoot with passion and experience. The greater the lack of passion and experience, the closer the indifference. The more muted the resentments, the farther the forgiveness and the closer the indifference.
How does indifference come about?
There is no absolute truth or answer to this. There is only room to describe this stupidity from a subjective and personal point of view. Sometimes, perhaps very often, the burden of the past is that train that takes us on a journey straight to the destination of indifference. Accumulated unpleasant experiences that resemble each other. Repeated expectations for repetitive characters that introduce us to fresh disappointments.
Which ultimately results in a loss of faith in different outcomes, exhaustion of the senses, blindness to different realities… And so on, and so forth. All this puts together a puzzle of indifference. It is a landscape in which one is slowly dying emotionally. Even pain can be evoked in these images. Or sadness, anger, rage, bitterness. Any sensation reminiscent of liveliness. For life. Some would say that others led them to indifference. However, only our own inner states and emotions can lead us to the same. Indifference may be a state when we are exhausted by our own feelings. And, it’s crazy to blame someone else for that.
How do we feel this way and that because of others? I do not know either. I am still learning to fully master my own mechanisms. But I deeply believe that the emotions in me are under my control. What then to do when we are exhausted by our own feelings? Stop. Make a thought reset. Pay attention to the scenarios we are spinning in our heads. What a movie we put together. Which swallows most of our attention. And redirect the directing, production and portrayal of one’s own reality.
Yes, disappointments are the path to indifference. But repeated disappointments are just proof of your repeated, misdirected expectations. What will be should not be a replay of what happened. The past can serve as a school for a kind of forgiveness, but not as a brake on everything that follows.
What is indifference?
Indifference is not life at all. Indifference is the ignorance of life. Indifference may even be the impossibility or long delay of the necessary forgiveness. Indifference is like a body without a heart beating. And he shoots. Dull numbness in which there is no movement. No progress. No change. Every negative emotion is able to transform. To shape.
And indifference pauses you. Of non-existence. Not being. It doesn’t give you anything, but it takes away opportunities. Opportunities for new schools, insights and beginnings. Indifference has nothing to do with strength or resistance. Even in resistance there is more emotion. Hey, even rocks form waves. Therefore, let it hurt you. Allow yourself pain. Allow yourself all the waves of life. And run away from indifference and indifferent people. The earth is not a flat plate, nor is it a soul. Neither are you. It’s not life either.
Mischievous Words by Marta 