Someone in your past taught you hard love. That person taught you that vulnerability is a weakness. You had to be strong and you had to endure a lot of things you didn’t deserve. And then you meet a good man. And when that happens, realize how negative the impact of your past relationship has been. You’re not used to someone treating you well, so you almost dismiss it.
When you’re in a toxic relationship, you don’t realize how much emotional abuse is affecting you. At least not while you’re in it.
When you are in a toxic relationship, everything related to it is addictive in nature. You know and you don’t know what’s going to happen.
You hope that will change, but there is also consolation in things that remain the same. There is a kind of comfort when someone knows you so deeply.
It’s hard to move away from that. Even when you leave, you realize you miss him. You miss the adrenaline rush of intense emotions. From love to screaming.
But then you meet a good man. And when that happens, realize how negative the impact of your past relationship has been. And sometimes you even push people away because of it.
You’re not used to someone treating you well, so you almost dismiss it.
1. In the beginning, you expect the worst
After a toxic relationship, you don’t trust anyone. Not even myself. You wonder why you have tolerated such a relationship for so long. And you get into every relationship expecting the worst from someone.
For a while, you didn’t believe good men existed at all. Because for so long you have been looking for the wrong qualities and accepting people who didn’t deserve you.
2. Analyze everything
You think everyone has hidden motives or that what they say has a hidden meaning. When you often catch someone lying, you simply become paranoid. You don’t believe that people can be honest or that what they say means just that. You make crazy assumptions and doubt good people just because of one person.
The next thing that happens – you explain to this man how you came to this conclusion in your head and he is confused. Not because you doubted him, but because someone did all this to you and all he wants to do is turn the whole thing around.
3. You think he’s too good to be real
Someone who treats you so well is certainly too good to be real. You expect the other side to be revealed.
You expect to lose it one day. You expect a sudden end to the story. But every day, he proves to you that he is the same person as in the beginning.
4. You try to push him away from you
Someone has told you in the past that you believe you don’t deserve the best. So when you get it, you throw it away. You are afraid of good things because you do not want to lose them. You don’t want to be hurt again, so you’re trying to destroy it all.
But what you will realize is different with this man – when you start running away, he will chase you. When you try to push him away, he will catch you and will not let you go.
5. You expect quarrels
You expect quarrels from the beginning. But instead, everything is communicated and explained.
And there’s that wave of comfort when you realize that people don’t normally leave things unresolved.
6. You apologize too often
He will wonder why you apologize so often. They will see the pain in your eyes because of someone from the past, who made you doubt yourself. They will see the pain in your heart because it has been broken for you in the past. And it will always convince you that everything is fine.
When a good man loves someone who is broken, who knew only about toxic relationships, he will do anything to convince that person that he did not deserve what he got. It redefines these terrible standards and chooses to be the exception.
7. And wonder if he’s better off without you
You think he is better off without you, but the truth is that he made your life better, but you made his life better. And I know you are afraid to love again. I know you are afraid to let him get close to you. But your sensitivity. Your compassion. Your strength and understanding are what make you wonderful.
In the past, you may have loved someone who was completely irresponsible and unbearable. You found good in him. You gave him a chance. You never gave up on that person. And now it’s your turn to get it back.
This new relationship is not what you are used to, but it is exactly what you deserve.
8. You try too hard
And when you finally comfortably embrace that relationship, you love that person with all your heart. But don’t try too hard. Don’t think you have to. In the past, you thought it wasn’t enough even when you give your best. So you had to work too hard. You had to compete. You had to prove yourself.
What you needed to learn was that it’s good enough when you give the most of yourself, the thing was that a person in the past didn’t deserve it.
9. You begin to trust him
There will come a time when you will tell this man everything that happened. The moment you trust him enough to let him get close. And when you tell him the events of your past and the people who hurt you, he won’t give up. That will only give him a reason to stay.
Someone in your past taught you hard love. That person taught you that vulnerability is a weakness. You had to be strong and you had to endure a lot of things you didn’t deserve. But all that makes you a wonderful person today. And because of all that, the right person will appreciate you for everything you’ve been through.
And with tears in your eyes, you will even be grateful for the toxic relationship that did not destroy you, but made you a strong person as you are today.
10. You finally realize what love really is
You begin to realize that the relationship that defined your standard of love was so far from real. Learn that love should not hurt or humiliate you. Love should not break your heart. Love is nothing that comes in the form of jealousy. True love does not play games with your heart nor does it want to see you suffer.
You realize that it was not love, but control.
You fearlessly love again, only this time right.
The right kind of love heals you and that is exactly what this man has done.
4 thoughts on “Here’s what happens when a woman meets a good man after a bad relationship!”
This is such a beautifully written post. It’s so relatable and true. I think every women can see themselves when reading this. Thank you so much for sharing lovely Xo
Elle – ellegracedeveson.com
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True love does not play games with your heart nor does it want to see you suffer – such a great line. I really enjoyed this, I definitely pushed people away and had trust issues after a toxic relationship.
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I relate to this so much. It’s written in such a beautiful way as well! I had a few really bad (each in different ways) relationships. And they really do make you question everything. you wonder what did you do for them to treat you like that, especially after you tried so hard to please them. Now I’ve been seriously dating someone for a lil while now, and I feel like I don’t even know how to act now that I’m dating someone who genuinely treats me really well. I’m so happy, but it definitely catches me off guard a little bit. Great post xx
Melina | http://www.melinaelisa.com
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This resonated quite a bit as the relationship I had before I met my husband was toxic and manipulative. I will never credit that experience with anything other than it made me 100% clear about what I would no longer accept into my life. I knew exactly the type of person I wanted to be with after that and was very fortunate that I got that in who I married. Great post — very thought-provoking.
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