The final touch of the narcissistic relationship

You come to the realization that every hour dedicated to that person means losing your life and yourself. All that effort is a thing of the past because nothing has borne fruit to change the other side. You realize you could never do anything about it. You just left yourself. And how much recovery it took to get to your feet and recover from it.

And everything is the same again.

Trust yourself, open the door again and come back, i.e. let that person re-enter through your door into your space, life, and heart. That same person who let you down several times, hurt you, but still, it was somehow before.

It’s different now.

Now she really understands, she’s really changed, she really won’t hurt you anymore and this time that’s it. Somehow you feel that you have already explained everything many times and now it has to be understood from that other side. And for the first few days, everything is fine, although you may be fooling yourself and closing your eyes to what is still wrong. But you want it to work so hard that you will turn a blind eye to those “small” mistakes. After a week (or a couple of days) things get weird again, something happens again.

What is happening?

Everything that has happened before is happening. You are not seen, you are not heard, you are ignored by silence, nice messages and calls stop. From ascension to heaven, you come to the point that you are not worthy enough to be answered. Interest in you ceases, all promises fall into the water, all agreements change and at one point you realize that you are again in a circle of punishment and manipulation.

You have been through this so many times, now you already recognize some elements of that other behavior, you manage to recognize that you are slowly being included again in the circle from which you have risen so many times and found it difficult to recover.

You are facing sadness again because you have been touched again by an injury that this person knows how to touch and open so skillfully – an injury of abandonment, an injury of insufficient love, an injury of parting, etc. There are many variants of injury, but the fact is that love actually brings pain again and only pain.

As much as you want to see that there is a lot of good here for you, you eventually realize that it’s all an illusion you’ve created yourself to make it easier to stay in it. You are more aware now that it is no longer for you, even that you no longer feel what you initially felt.

Emotions run out

It has all worn out, your will and love to be better have worn out. And thank the universe that you no longer have the strength to stay and work in this relationship. This is a good place, good for you. But there are memories, memories, how to go after everything, let go of all those possibilities, will I ever experience such love again, so many questions, fears, and doubts. All this in this place is normal full of passage.

The hardest thing may be to admit to yourself that there is nothing here anymore, that you don’t feel what you used to feel for that person… even if her words don’t touch you like they used to, you don’t trust her anymore and you realize it’s all an illusion.

You become aware that you cannot go over everything and move on in a tone of false love on the other side. Someone who hurts you so many times, thinks only of himself, touches your injuries again without caring about it, leaves come according to his needs, just talks and promises yet it is hard to ignore all these facts so much after your eyes are opened.

And to stay in it waiting for that beginning, in your heart you realize that it makes no sense, you realize that it is easier to go through sadness, emptiness, and loneliness than to stay in a vain relationship deprived of you and your wholeness.

In this relationship, there was only that other person and her needs… only me, me, and me… and when you thought a few of you had come, again that return was prompted by something that the other side needed. It used to be hard to hear that painful realization, but from this place, it’s easier and less painful because you’ve been through a lot already and let go so you see more realistically.

Time cannot go back

Aware that the years cannot go back, all those years of your life remain irrevocably in the past. It causes sadness, great sadness that you slowly let go of. You come to the realization that every hour dedicated to that person means losing your life and yourself.

All that effort is a thing of the past because nothing has borne fruit to change the other side. You realize you could never do anything about it. You just left yourself. And how much recovery was needed to get to your feet and recover from it?

It is possible that the recovery is still going on, there is still work ahead of you, but a lot of things are already easier, you feel yourself, breathe with full lungs, fearless, love yourself and your days more… and now discard it all for one day of “love” … makes no sense.

The price of that love is too high.
She did too much damage to you.
You have been recovering and regaining yourself for too long.

And returning to yourself means loving yourself more, respecting your boundaries, not letting someone humiliate and fooling you, being more aware of your feelings that say something or someone is not for you. It’s all a return to yourself that you’ve been building for maybe years. Brick by brick until the house was created, your inner temple. And it is on this temple that you close the door well for the one whose intentions are not for your temple to flourish but to perish.

Remember all this when you hear the knock again.

6 thoughts on “The final touch of the narcissistic relationship”

  1. This is beautifully written and all too relatable for anyone that has lived through a similar relationship at one point or another in their lives. I am so glad that chapter is behind me now and I have moved on to find a healthy relationship without that toxic energy.

    Liked by 1 person

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