A few “wrong” estimates, unintended outcomes, a couple of disappointments… and, here we are. Diagnosis: trust issues. The Defense Confidence Defense Mechanism is professionally building walls. Admittedly, for protection purposes. But with the ultimate consequence of potential alienation. Alienation from others, but also from oneself. “Do we trust others?” Might be useful to replace with “do we trust ourselves?”
In the interaction and living of this life, “wrong” estimates are inevitable. Curves under quotation marks since each “curve” leads us to the “right” assessment. The perspective of life as a process of learning and research allows for “wrong” and “mistakes” because, in the end, there are no mistakes.
However, after several disappointments, injuries, and unwanted outcomes, we become endangered and afraid of new choices and new beliefs. We build our own comfort cocoons where it’s safe. Where no one can reach us. Where there is no interaction. And wherein the end, there is no life.
Of course, loneliness is certainly necessary and indispensable, and valuable. To understand and to prepare for life itself. However, only this living happens in interaction with others. There is co-creation, creation, landscape. This is where we build ourselves as persons. Here we get to know ourselves through relationships with others.
The hostile world of the endangered
Burning a few times in this fire of life is perfectly normal. And at the same time, a sign to live. But if these burns are repeated, frequent and constant – we are prone to distrust of others. The problem is that we automatically put ourselves in the role of a cheated victim, and others in the mold of the enemy.
We create a hostile world within and around ourselves. Injured we become endangered. We are constantly focused on others who have betrayed our trust. We feel betrayed and hurt. We are often, with (suppressed) anger, eager for revenge.
We treat every new acquaintance with caution and observe it through the prism of mistrust. Taught by experienced, we compare new stories with old ones. They often match. And yet, we rarely wonder why, in fact, our own choices repeatedly lead us to the same disappointments.
Responsibility and freedom
Sometimes it is good to “get out” of yourself and observe your own life with different eyes. There are broader perspectives and new ways. Possibility of change. Possibility of new elections. At any moment.
There is no room for the guilt of others. Nor for self-blame. But there is room for observation, research, learning, understanding, and getting to know each other. Others and themselves. What are the patterns in us to choose relationships in which trust is played out and loyalty is absent?
Do we trust ourselves in these elections? Or do we compulsively jump into relationships that want some kind of confirmation? Confirmations of one’s own values and beliefs in others? Self-awareness also implies responsibility for one’s own thoughts, emotions, actions, and choices. The beauty of responsibility is freedom. Freedom of thought and observation.
Do we believe in ourselves?
If we do not trust ourselves, we will find it difficult to gain trust with another being. If we are not complete with ourselves but break into relationships eager for wholeness, disappointment is inevitable.
A healthy relationship primarily with yourself is a prerequisite for healthy relationships with others. That relationship needs to be worked on. It seems that prostitution is more than necessary. It is logical. Alienated from ourselves, we cannot be with others. But perhaps every “wrong” assessment of killing serves us to get closer to ourselves and to make each new assessment closer to what we want.
It lacks openness
Trust issues is an issue that has nothing to do with others. We solve trust issues with ourselves. Under question marks of whom we trust or disbelieve. Why do we believe them or not? Do we trust ourselves while we trust them or not?
Of course, trust is deserved. Blind trust in anyone is not the solution. However, neither is alienation and life under defense mechanisms. Believing in yourself also means breaking the fear of injury or betrayal.
Believing in yourself means knowing. The realization that whatever outcome we witness in a relationship, learning and understanding follow. The endangered age in which we live craves openness. Towards yourself and others. Openness to Life. And the walls? Walls are for buildings anyway, not for people.