Why is your ‘darkness’, the key to your joy

“Dear me, please don’t go back to your old patterns of behavior just because they look familiar to you. Remember you weren’t happy there. “

How many destructive actions and reactions would be spared if we had such a reminder in front of us at all times? How many times would they not shout, would they not be angry, would they not feel powerless and discouraged if seemingly things did not go in the direction we are striving for? How many relationships would have gone in a completely different direction if we had been more patient, and kinder to ourselves?

A sea of ​​them, actually most. – I conclude.

But it is not possible to constantly have such a reminder, like a little sticker in front of your eyes. The only thing we can do is make daily decisions that we will be better than yesterday, better for ourselves, and that we will not give up.

I have a feeling when I talk to women that everyone resents something, some “mistake” from the past. Especially when it comes to love relationships.

“If only I were” – a sentence that is so common and carries a sea of ​​bitterness. A sentence that reveals that each of these women just thinks she resents the man she had or wanted to have something with. In fact, in-depth, everyone blames themselves. They resent the relationships from which they did not leave in time and those relationships that never became relationships.

Who do you really blame?

In my new book “Darkness”, I wrote about these resentments that eat us from the inside and prevent us from becoming the best version of ourselves and thus build the relationships we really want, whether it’s friendships or love, it’s the same. It all starts with the same beliefs, the same energy – to deserve the best or not to believe it.

When you know you deserve the best, just like any other person on this planet, then your thoughts and actions are in line with that.

You don’t agree to a little. You don’t negotiate the value of your person and your heart and you don’t let anyone determine your value, shape your life, and affect your mood. To be honest, it kills joy.

And this is what often happens in unhappy relationships or relationships that never become relationships, women forget that they are responsible for their own joy and that they carry the key to that joy in their hands.

The power of the lady is in us. We are the magic that creates relationships. Relationships are not the magic that shapes us nor are they the fire that burns us, they are just a reflection.

The problem, ie. a short circuit occurs when we forget that we decide, so we hand over our power into the hands of the relationship, ie. some people, giving her the strength to control our lives, our emotions, and our reactions.

The moment we hand over our own happiness to others, we lose that happiness.

Watch whose advice you listen to

The internet today is teeming with gurus, coaches, and love experts. Everyone has a famous technique of how to interest someone, how to build a relationship, how to restore the interest of a certain person, ie a certain man… what to say in what situation, how to behave, when to be silent, when to ignore him. But no one has said the key yet – it’s all acting, it’s all programming, none of it is you. You’re right.

You who are reading this and feel lost at times between how you were raised, what your settings have been implanted since you were little, and what you would like. And she would like, at least when it comes to love, to live a fairy tale. I know that. We are all the same on this issue.

And that’s fine.

The one who says she doesn’t want a fairy tale is just lying to herself and is far from ever being happy because happiness starts with acknowledging what you want, don’t want, and what you’re afraid of. Happiness begins with raising awareness of expectations and beliefs about why something is the way it is, and why we are the way we are. Why do we tolerate some things and shouldn’t, why do we forgive unforgivably and how do we even get into a situation of forgiving such things?

The subconscious and the secrets it keeps

In my new book “Darkness” I dealt with the causes, ie the roots of all these beliefs that shape our patterns of behavior and that define us. Through my own experiences and intimate stories about the relationships I lived, about myself in those relationships, I told what love is not and how delusions and illusions about love arise. How the attitude is created that to love means to suffer, that in love something is forever forgiven to someone and that someone does something to us.

Through my own demons from the past, but also injuries from not so long ago relationships, I told how the attitude is formed that a woman is valid only if she is in a relationship or marriage, and how she will defend and try to preserve that relationship even though she is not happy. has identified her value as a human being, as a person, and as a woman with this relationship. Well then, if a relationship fails she has no value, she is nothing.

The root of this belief is based on a patriarchal upbringing, destructive and deceptive. This attitude does not benefit men either, because they also define themselves through relationships, ie they confirm their value through them only in slightly different ways, but it is essentially the same thought, the same belief, and the same energy that says – the relationship survives, I am worth it.

‘Love’ as a status symbol

It is worth each of us as a person, unquestionably, regardless of our relationships. Relationships should be our peace, our safe haven, our happiness. Relationships need to be easy and we need to grow, expand, and fly in them. Their purpose is not self-proof, nor is it a status symbol.

And for many, love is a label.

Many believe that their potential partner is a status symbol and a socially acceptable ideal and that through this relationship they will define and prove themselves, their parents, and the environment. So they choose people who resonate with the same settings.

There are many of these fundamental beliefs in us that we are not aware of. To go through that sieve of our own ideas about ourselves, our values, and the idea of ​​ourselves as women, means to become aware of all those subconscious patterns that work against us. Those who encourage us to tolerate rudeness and disrespect. Because of this, we tend to get entangled in the idea of ​​love, and then trap ourselves in a semi-sexual relationship in which we have a tense man who is completely emotionally unavailable.

How to embrace your core, how to be in a woman’s energy, how to detect and know how to recognize when we are not and how to tell yourself that there is no man or relationship worth losing your identity and happiness, all this is written in “Darkness”.

“Darkness” is a symbolic title that speaks of the subconscious, of the dungeon within your own soul where you hide from yourself all the causes of your own dissatisfaction and the answers to each why you live something.

Are you ready to meet yourself?

Who are you? What are you striving for? What are you afraid of? Do you believe that you deserve the best, that you deserve love? The real one, the one that many call a fairy tale?

Or do you agree with a little, too little, because you don’t know who you are and what kind of life you can live and build relationships?

You can listen to instructions on how to “seduce someone”, how to be “the right one”, how to present yourself well in order to reach that status and seduce that certain man, and you can also choose to get to know yourself. You can discover what these subconscious beliefs are that are sabotaging you and you can change that. The key is in your hands.

And the prize? The reward is happiness, a fulfilled life, realized, realized, truly happy, and beautiful relationships as a reflection of that.

To all of you, my dear ones, who keep asking me the same questions, looking for answers, and wanting changes in your life and your relationships, I wrote ” Darkness “, but also this column. I can’t make decisions for you. I don’t even want to give you banal advice on what to do and how to position yourself in certain relationships and situations.

I can only tell you – choose yourself. Invest in yourself, get to know yourself, and embrace your own darkness and your own demons. Embrace them to get rid of them and live out their full potential.

The new book will be out by the end of this year 🙂