The feeling of being taken for granted is a conscious emotional cry for help. On a conscious level you do not realize that you are being bullied, but on an unconscious level, this is what you think you “deserve”. Because if you feel you deserve to be taken for granted because you are “not worthy,” you remain in a confusing cycle of constantly attracting harmful people.
We all sometimes feel unrecognized, ignored, and disrespected in our daily lives. In fact, the feeling that others take us for granted is one of the most common interpersonal problems.
From an ungrateful romantic partner to reckless children, there is a multitude of life situations in which people take us for granted.
But what happens when we find that no matter what we do or how much we give to others, we are still being exploited and underestimated?
What do we do when we see that we are stuck in a vicious circle of attracting people who ruthlessly exploit us and then reject us?
4 reasons why they take you for granted
When you are taken for granted, it is one of the main symptoms of a caring personality. People with caring personalities are primarily motivated by helping others. This makes them altruistic, generous, and often sacrifices for other people.
If you are stuck in a toxic cycle of exploitation and taking it for granted, it is important to explore the thoughts, feelings, childhood beliefs, and emotional wounds associated with this problem.
Here are some common reasons why people take you for granted:
1. You have bad ego-based boundaries
In order to connect with our souls, we must first be able to develop mentally and reach maturity. People with weak ego-based boundaries often have trouble saying “No,” distinguishing their thoughts and needs from others, and taking time to take care of themselves. This leads to burnout, mental illness, and martyrdom.
Many people are confused by the Eastern and New Age philosophy of “overcoming the ego” and think that it is necessary to completely erase the ego. But transcending the ego does not mean that the ego must disappear, it means that we must become aware of it or not be limited by it.
In order to eventually overcome the ego, we must first develop it. When I think of the ego, I mean our sense of separation.
If people take advantage of you, it is very likely that you have a weak or underdeveloped sense of self. You need to learn to appreciate your values, your gifts, and discover how to take care of yourself, not just others.
2. You have not clearly expressed your needs for others
In relationships and other interpersonal relationships, we often make the mistake of thinking that other people can read our minds. But it’s important to understand that not everyone thinks the same way you think.
If you are taken for granted, perhaps you should simply sit down with others and articulate your needs. Open communication is not a skill we have learned and therefore it may seem daunting at first. But when you learn how to express your needs, you will feel empowered.
By expressing your needs, you can easily gain insight into your relationships with other people and determine who is healthy and who is not. For example, if you open up and see that a person regrets their actions or apologizes to you, you can be sure that person simply wasn’t aware that they were taking you for granted.
However, if you open up and the person is indifferent or makes fun of you, you can be sure that person is not really caring about you.
3. You believe that your value comes from giving
In childhood or throughout life, you have gained the false belief that your value comes from giving to others. In other words, you believe that the measure of your self-esteem is directly proportional to the amount of sacrifice and sacrifice for others.
Unfortunately, these misconceptions result in extremely fragile self-esteem, stress, and even manipulating others to have a better opinion of themselves and to feel better. In this situation, you are not giving with a full heart, you are giving from a wounded heart that longs for the recognition and praise of others.
Without that recognition and praise, you feel worthless, ignored, and feel taken for granted.
The thing is – I can take you for granted only if you think your value comes from outside – from others. You need to understand that you don’t have to do anything to be loved or worthy. You already are.
A powerful practice that can help you with this is self-love or self-compassion.
4. Attract the love you think you deserve
This is not an ethereal belief, it is a psychological fact. When you feel deep down that you are unworthy of true love, you attract people who abuse you because they support your unconscious belief, “I’m not good enough.”
The feeling of being taken for granted is a conscious emotional cry for help. On a conscious level you do not realize that you are being bullied, but on an unconscious level, this is what you think you “deserve”.
3 thoughts on “They exploit us first and then reject us, why?”
Great posts, and I bet very relatable for many people! I’ve also noticed that for many the expectation of always being overly polite leaves people vulnerable for being taken advantage of. It’s a lot harder to set boundaries when “politeness” won’t allow it. Hopefully this will change in time 🙂
Teresa Maria | Outlandish Blog
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Thank you Marta,
This was something I had to read because I find myself in almost all of the points. As of late, I have been accepting myself a lot more and focussing on myself. Because as you say, I’m worth it.
It is something to always keep in mind, so thank you for addressing it so clearly.
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Great Post – I know it will be really helpful to lots of people
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