Who are you, in the shelter of your four walls, filled with your sweet little things and details, when you are lulled into the safety of a carefully arranged home? Who are you when no one is looking, when you sing under the shower, cry like a child, sleep with make-up and anxiety?
Are you then ashamed of yourself, are you afraid of what others will say about you? Why are we so sensitive to the opinion of other people, when we don’t live for them but for ourselves? Why such a desire to wake up happy and accepted if you haven’t accepted yourself?
Layers in us
It’s hard to uncover your own layers and scratch beneath the surface. It’s hard to look at your reflection in the mirror and realize that you’re still not who you should or wanted to be. Likewise, it is difficult to live forever under the guise you wear. To hide from the gaze of the masses and ugly criticism.
Do you realize that those who are pointing fingers at you are not the ones who are better than you? Do you realize that you who are the first to judge run away from your own reflection in the mirror a hundred times a day, and spit on others thinking that it will reduce your value and increase theirs? Do you understand, there is a thick layer of evil, anguish, and blackness in them. You are only what they want to be, what they didn’t dare say or do. They don’t know how to deal with jealousy, they decide to tarnish your stature and face criticism.
Don’t become like them, not you, who has felt how much it hurts a hundred times on your skin. Words don’t hurt as much as the fact that someone else is bothered by your growth, and you know that your growth does no harm to others. It hurts that we were born equal, but through life, we have become separate and different.
A few of us always encourage others, and openly and sincerely rejoice in other people’s successes. And most of them decide to jump right in and spread their lies. Why judge when you haven’t walked in someone else’s shoes yet?
Who are you when no one is looking?
When no one is looking, I know you are full of dreams, full of ideas, and enthusiasm. Also occasionally full of nervousness and jealousy, full of anxiety and fear. You often think that you are not enough, neither for others nor for yourself. You often think that you are wrong, that you are the worst version of yourself that could exist.
What do you do about it when you’re alone? Are you trying to put down on paper everything that bothers you, adding up the minuses and pluses in order to have an insight into the real state of your soul? Or do you continue to scold, belittle and shame yourself?
I hope the former. I want you to be who you are. I want you not to be ashamed to express yourself, no matter what someone says about you. Realize that your life doesn’t have to be bad if you think about yourself. You have the power to change and change your view of the world through experiences. Put those ugly thoughts aside and listen to your voice. Try to make a defensive shield, a corner of yourself that will always give you hope to push on with a smile.
When no one is looking at you, you are unquestionably YOU
When no one is looking, you know you can be anything you are. Then why don’t you close your eyes for a moment, when everyone is looking at you, to gather the courage to be who you are, at the expense of everyone?
Why allow yourself to be torn between your wishes and the real possibilities given to you, why hide and wait for better days?
You are often surrounded by darkness, which tries to swallow your shine, I know. But, proudly show your scars, just like the moon has its two sides. May the dark side that you seem to be hiding give new light and authenticity to the good side of you. Learn to spread the light even in the midst of darkness, without being ashamed of your imperfection.
Because being afraid of what you haven’t become yet means being afraid to live. Only you have the answer to everything that holds you back and oppresses you. Only you can find your way. Maybe sometimes you will wander to the wrong side, maybe sometimes you will be the one who will slip and bow before the flaws, point the finger at those you don’t understand.
And that is human if you know how to recognize and correct your mistakes. But imagine becoming who you are when no one is looking, without shame or fear of judgment. Is there more freedom?
2 thoughts on “Who are you when no one is looking?”
We are multilayered and complex so it’s really interesting to explore what authenticity means to us; thanks for sharing this thought-provoking post! It’s so important that we are who we are and we get to know ourselves well.
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Be who you are!! It is so hard to do this in a world that wants to judge, categorize, separate, control and order. But that gives you all the more reason to do so. Wise words, as well as mischievous, thank you.
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