Nothing by force. Nothing blistering, neither shoes nor people

I believed that this column would go in a different direction, but then my dear Mirjana, whose debut novel I am working on as an editor, called me and said – ‘Hey, I’m in your neighborhood, do you have time for a quick coffee?’ – ‘Of course! ‘

And so the day and the column turned in a new direction, the direction of positivity. That feeling when someone falls for you first and when your coffee with that person flies by.

We have that feeling with some people, rare people, don’t we? It’s as if we’ve known each other for a hundred years as if we could talk for hours and still have something to say. There are no negativity, no gossip, no awkward silences, no expectations, and no tiresome “poor me” stories. It has a certain lightness, spontaneity, warmth, and positivity.

Because that’s how all relationships should look to us. They should be easy, like breathing. And they could be if they didn’t bring their fears, insecurities, and expectations into them. If we didn’t form other people according to what we think they should be, in general as people, and towards us.

But…

Of course, he performs but. Relationships flow as long as we don’t force them, as long as we don’t push them into molds, and as long as we let people be who they are and accept them as such. Until we drag other people and our opinions about them into them. Until we start trumpeting our problems, and somehow unconsciously start transferring the burden of the relationship to them.

You will say – “it’s easy with friends, but not with partners.” But is it really so? In fact, I would say that the definition of a relationship is not important.

There are those people who are dear to me, but I never drink coffee with them. I like to love them from afar because their negativity wears me down. Because they are constantly in a box of their own and don’t even want to look out of it. They persistently expect the world and people to adapt to them and descend into that little box of theirs, in which there is no air, let alone space for the expansion of spirit and mind.

To love at a distance

And so I love them from a distance. Because I don’t want to be like a squeezed lemon after meeting them. And that’s how I feel every time. It’s like I don’t know if I came or went.

You will all know exactly what I mean, that feeling when you have a weight in the bottom of your stomach just waiting for time to pass and you can make up an excuse to sneak out without coming off as rude.

Because you don’t clap. Not really. Neither energy, positivity, nor emotion flows between you.

“Either it is or it isn’t.” – that’s how Mirjana put it when we touched on some topics.

Work, friendships, ideas, and love. Especially love.

So when you ask me how to make something work, how to organize a situation, how to get poppy on a thread and water to your mill? – that is already the answer to you that it is not that.

Because things develop naturally. They flap, as easy as breathing. You feel the energy flowing from the other person, their zest for life or their emptiness and then instinctively, subconsciously, you decide whether you want to go for it, give yourself to expand, or let someone use you as their fuel?

Especially in love, where the flow of energy is so strong, so intense, so magnetic that everything happens in fractions of a second. Where that impulse happens that makes you want to jump over a mountain for that person. And it should be mutual. There are no calculations and percentages.

That’s how falling in love works.

Love, she is already wiser, but she acts without a fig in her pockets. It is light, responsible, and stable. She doesn’t calculate. It flows. And you feel it, you simply know how much you mean to that other being. It is so noticeable that it is almost tangible.

It cannot be faked and it cannot be forced. Either it is born, lives, and grows or not.

Oh, if only I could…

Therefore, when you write to me that you would like to change some situations, either with friends, with lovers, or with exes, I see and feel what you have overlooked in your desire for change – energy and its weight. I feel regret, frustration, and often sadness, but also possessiveness. I feel the cries of impotence and all the possible force of the box in which you have put the relationship and you do not want to get out of that mold.

And that’s not it.