Every moment and every experience changes us. A hug, a miss, a message we didn’t get a reply to or one we forgot to reply to, and even a song we may have heard on the radio this morning.
As I listen to dear Christmas carols and that pre-holiday mood slowly takes hold of me, I summarize the year that is behind me. And while on the outside it looks magical and romantic to most of my readers, from my side of the coin, it was very challenging. A year in which I made many difficult decisions, drew lines, and made cuts. I brought most of them because of my work and the turn I decided to take.
The year when I sharpened my “No”.
And it wasn’t easy for the do-gooder in me. The good person in me loves people and the smiles on their faces too much. However, the Maleficent in me prevailed this year, I made a whole list of things that I no longer do, people for whom I am no longer always available, and listed goals that need to be achieved. And now that I look back, even though it wasn’t right for do-gooder, Maleficent did it well. She achieved all her goals.
There are a few more until the end of the year, until the moment the clock strikes midnight. And, for them too, it is already visible that they will be realized.
The great and mighty NO
Can you do it too my dear readers? Do you have the strength in you to decide and then fully commit to your decisions, be what you decided, one hundred percent?
You have, you’re just often not aware of it.
It all starts with learning to say No.
No, without explaining yourself, because No is a complete sentence. Whether it’s about how you don’t feel like going out for coffee at that moment, how you no longer cooperate with someone, how you no longer talk to someone, or how you don’t feel like drinking or making coffee for someone at that moment. Or simply no longer dating or friends with someone.
Because you know, people can do it themselves? Cook and drink coffee. Go to Advent alone. Accept that a relationship is over and continue with life just as you once had to accept it.
Inner voice
Your feeling in the bottom of your stomach that tells you that something is wrong, that discomfort that the idea of something or someone creates for you, it is the speech of your spirit that tells you that something is not good for you and that you should listen to it.
But how often do you listen to yourself and your inner voice?
How often do you say ‘Yes’ when you actually mean ‘No’?
And, are you aware of what you are telling yourself and your subconscious every time you agree to something you don’t really like?
You are saying that you are not important, that your emotions are not important, that you are small and unimportant in relation to someone else and his wishes, and that someone else is more valuable than you.
And no one is. You are your greatest value and the most important person in your life because you always have only yourself, everyone else is transient.
Clean your living space of other people’s poisons
At the beginning of the year, I ended a friendship, one in which I got nothing except repeated disappointments, with someone who saw only herself all the time and took from everyone around her. Yes, she was disappointed and hurt, but that did not give her the right to destroy all those with whom she begins to build a relationship.
I first distanced myself from that person because I realized that she was toxic to me, and after a couple of months when she contacted me again, I told her that she was the end of the story for me and that we were not friends. In fact, we never were.
The goodness in me was that person’s shoulder to cry on when she didn’t want to pull herself together, so she fed on other people’s goodness and emotions. And then, as all narcissists do, she rejected the people who were there for her and found some new ones to prey on. When she got bored, she tried to go back.
The evil in me cut her short and direct. And I haven’t regretted it for a single moment. Although at one point in my life I loved and appreciated that person very much. But I actually loved the idea of her as she could have been and never really was.
Difficult decisions bring great relief
I had the courage to admit to myself that I was investing time and energy in one big nothing. And then I crossed it out very simply. This was followed by a huge relief.
Making a decision is difficult sometimes, I admit because we have a thousand reasons and ideas in our heads about how something could be fixed. We keep spinning that story where things change at some point because we didn’t give up, we didn’t give up, we tried again and again. And that’s okay, in business, for example, but with other people, especially those who don’t lift a finger to maintain a relationship? Not. Definitely not.
Many people deserve to be kicked out of our lives without a second thought. And this does not mean that we wish them ill or that we hate them. It just means that we love ourselves enough to clean our surroundings and our little universe of other people’s poisons and bad energies. And at the end of the ballad, not to waste our life energy on something that will never give us satisfaction, not even the basic human respect that we all deserve.
When it’s over, it’s over
We all know deep down whether something is worth it or not. We all know when a relationship is hopeless because the other party is not ready to do their part. We all know if someone really cares for us or if we care too much, so we try to wrap everything in unrealistic, rosy illusions in which we experience our “happy ending”. We know, we’re just often not ready to admit it to ourselves and then we become slaves to something that will never happen.
However, when you decide to put yourself first, magic happens. People who you would never think of, become aware. Those who have emotion but also so much sobriety and humanity that they can understand that they are not the center of the universe. And how they took you for granted in many ways. You will receive a call from them that you never expected.
The others, narcissists, see in a straight line. The fact that you don’t become aware is a gain for you because you got room to breathe. And to live surrounded by other, quality people.
But don’t be fooled, everything still starts with you. Always.
And your focus should be on you and your well-being, not on some games where by moving away you try to get the effect of that person chasing after you. That’s not a goal, that’s manipulation. And after a while, it will bring you back not to the beginning, but throw you another ten steps back.
If, on the other hand, you have a narcissist, he will try to get things back to square one with his acting. He will be wonderful and wonderful until he achieves that. And when you give in, they will hold you in their fist. Because they will see that you are not a character and that you are very easy to manipulate.
Do you need that?
Self-respect
Whatever the relationship is, friendship, work, or relationship, especially if it is a love relationship or situation, you need to clear things up with yourself first. Take a sheet of paper, write on one side what is ok here for you, and on the other what is not, then underline and summarize. If that relationship is in deep red, you know what to do. Emotions aside.
Self-respect and self-preservation come before any emotion. And there is no debate.
On the other hand, train your ‘No’ on small things. Make them aware that you don’t feel like going to a coffee or party, that you don’t want to hang out with certain people, or that you no longer lend books or money to certain people. Because as long as you say Yes to them, you say No to yourself and the world does not return it to you.
It’s the end of the year and it’s time for cuts. And a new beginning.
It’s up to you.
Mischievous Words by Marta 