Tell me, dear woman, how many times have you waited for him? How many hours did you spend waiting for his message, his call, and a sign that he was thinking of you? How many times have you fallen asleep in tears, disappointed? An even more important question is, how many excuses did you come up with to justify it?
Maybe he’s working, maybe he’s tired of work, maybe he has family problems, stress, what am I going to do with him now? Maybe I’m redundant, maybe I bother him with my patheticness and nervousness?
Then again, just let me know he’s fine because I’m worried. And how many times have you forgiven him because you believed all his versions because you melted when he told you he loved you?
How many times did you believe him and how many times did you deceive yourself? All this time you were actually humiliating yourself and drowning in the mire of pathos, self-pity, anxiety, and depression.
If you are better, he will be better
Answer me, dear woman, how many times have you blamed yourself for your behavior? How hard have you tried to make your home full of love, that everything is ironed, clean, fresh, that your house is ventilated from your neurotic behavior, and that the freshness that will turn you into a superwoman comes through the window? The one who is both a servant and a passionate lover, who does not complain and who pleases while he mercilessly drains all your energy?
How many times have you justified his aggression, dominance, and his mocking of your flaws? How many times have you obeyed his command to change your appearance, behavior, job, friends, and lifestyle?
How much of your life have you given to him? How many times have you forgiven him for cheating because you believed that after giving birth you became physically undesirable and psychologically unbearable? How many times have you thought that if I am better, he will change, he will love me more, he will appreciate me more? Days, months, years, and decades have passed Nothing has changed?
His punches
When he hit you, how many times did you think you deserved it? How many times have you blamed yourself? How much energy did you put into it to stop? How many times did you believe in his kisses after the blows because you didn’t want the children to be left without a father?
How numb are you? How much emotion, how much of you is left in that horror, while it destroys your identity?
How many times have you wondered where the man you fell in love with, the one who was ready to take the stars out of the sky, has gone? How is it that he turned into a monster that hates you and wants to destroy you, where are justice and freedom?
They taught you to be patient, but they didn’t tell you the cruel truth, life, and youth pass by while you wait for him to give you a crumb of love, you settle for those crumbs and convince yourself that it is enough. Wake up, dear woman! From the first sign when your intuition suspects that something is not right, that it is not fair and just, run away and get out of that hell.
Mischievous Words by Marta 