Did the holidays meet your expectations?

For years, I have not been living for certain dates and I do not spend weeks or months waiting for a birthday, Christmas or Valentine’s Day. Not because these days you realize that time goes by and that six of this-will-be-mine -year calendar went by, and red dates smeared on the leaves of those same calendars went as if they were not red.

It always seemed to me that those days that we are all so loudly counting through the internet and advents calendars would stop the world for a moment. When these days come, all hungry will get a pot of French salad or at least a basket of bread.  All too loud will be a little quiet, too quiet will speak out; the world will declare holidays for just about everyone. All the sick will be released from the hospital, all the children will laugh in their warm bed covered with a grandmother’s quilt, the fluffy one under which you wake up in the same position where you are and sleep. That the crime will be stopped, unicorns will drive instead of taxis, homes will be of chocolate and jelly and the ones who are crying would have to eat 12 cream cakes for punishment.

Then for years waiting for birthdays, Christmas and greetings, I realized that nothing of this spectacle will happen if you are not able to see the spectacle in all those old and ordinary days. Because one thing is certain – the world will not stop. Stores will work until morning, and somebody’s kids will not have a hot homemade soup on the table that day, because Mom has to work for Christmas.  Someone will meet these days in the hospital. People will go to work as if nothing is happening. Unicorns will still only exist on Instagram cakes.

Then you will get slapped by the biggest cliché of all, one that that the joy is not on 25.12. or on 1.1. or on 22.11. Joy is now. And there’s no such unicorn cakes or Instagram balloons with numbers that will give you joy this one day if you do not feel it even when the only numbers are on the electricity bill. And there are no Christmas ornaments and pine trees that will make you happy for more than one day if you do not know how to be happy even when they’re gone. And there are no such big dates that will bring you happiness if you do not know how to feel it, even on ordinary Wednesdays and Fridays.

It seems to me that only then Jingle bells can be heard louder, Mondays are small New Years, and the calendar is the red of your own holydays. And everything is spectacle. Because I do not agree to less than life, but to be a spectacle. This is what I want you and myself in 2018. Because to have our reflection in the mirror smile back at us, first we have to smile at him. And I am more confident that life is just waiting for it – for us to smile to him firs.

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