I don’t always want to be strong

Life has taught me that I have to be strong. I must not give in to myself and I must be firm because wolves are all around us. Trust me, I learned the hard way. I have to strive for a better tomorrow and I have to hold all the strings in my hands to make that same better tomorrow come as soon as possible.

The truth is that I love being that strong woman who can do whatever she wants and who can do it with ease. I love being that woman who takes care of herself and who stoically copes with all the problems that life throws at her. I love being that woman who strives for independence and who proudly carries the goods she bought herself. I love being that woman who at the same time kicked ass in college, at a side job and has time to work on her own projects. I love being that woman who lifts people around her even when she breaks down on her own.

But still, there are days when…

I don’t want to be strong.

I don’t want to be a rock but a mollusk. I don’t want to be the one who can endure everything but I want to cry my soul out and have someone tuck me into bed. I don’t want to be the one taking care of myself but the one who needs help.

I don’t always want to know what and how I have to.

I think one of my bigger successes is that I learned to read myself. I am aware of what is holding me back and hurting me. And what drives me. I am aware of my flaws and virtues. Hell, I’m also aware of the tricks I can use to fool myself and force myself to do what I have to do. But still… There are days when I don’t want to know the path but I want someone to show it to me. I don’t want a companion but a guiding star.

There are also days when…

I don’t want to be independent.

I don’t want to be my own boss but a follower. I don’t want to fight but I want to get everything handend to. I’ve been fighting my whole life. If not with others, with myself. I want to let my brain graze and sometimes be the worst version of myself.

This may sound harsh, but there are days when…

I don’t want to be there for others.

I don’t want to listen to other people’s problems. I don’t want to listen to other people’s lamentations and be there with the best advice. I don’t want to be a good, rational and reasonable person. There are days when I want to be the one who mourns and dramatizes about nonsense.

Does all this make me less of a woman I love to be? Not. She’s still here. I am still a queen with purpose and vision.

Does the emotion make me weak? Exactly the opposite. They just show that I can go on despite the bad days.

All this makes me just a human. Like all of you strong people.

It is true that we all give our best and do the best we can, but it is also true that sometimes we cannot give our best. The truth is that many times we are not the best we can be. And that’s just fine.

We are all kings and queens, emperors and empresses. Everyone in their own way.

And there’s no need to feel bad because we can’t always be in style with the image that others have of us. Or in the style with the image we set for ourselves. Yet it’s just a picture, and we’re just people.

We are only people who are looking for a better tomorrow and to whom no one has said that it might come in a day or two, and maybe in a year or two.