I was sitting for a drink in the square the other day, there was a woman I met recently. We came to the topic of achievements and successful people and how nice it is to support everyone’s efforts and look forward to everyone’s success. As I like to think through everything in detail, sometimes more than necessary, so I thought about it.
Why don’t people look forward to someone else’s happiness?
I have to admit that I haven’t always looked forward to other people’s successes.
I have been vain and jealous many times. We’re not going to lie, yet I’ve been hanging out with you here for a couple of years. We have long since reached a stage where I can honestly tell you about my feelings and experiences.
Yes… I have to admit that many times it bothered me when someone was better than me, and that many times I hated for no reason. Did I accomplish anything with that? Well, I’m not. I was just poisoned by bad feelings and toxic energy.
And now that I look back, there was no problem at all in others and in being better. The problem was solely in me. The problem was that I didn’t love and accept myself enough. I didn’t believe in myself enough so I sought solace in comparing myself to others. And of course, in finding fault with others, downplaying their work, while actually treating my flaws and not accepting them in the same way.
Which is pretty stupid. You cannot solve your problems through others. I know that today.
The irony of life is that they underestimated me many times, they wanted to humiliate and diminish me. It goes without saying that it made me angry and that it really made me feel bad many times. I was sad that there are such people and that I can’t be the best version of myself without it bothering anyone.
Worst of all, I used to blame myself. Which is pretty stupid. This time it was not up to me but up to them. I know that today.
It is not to (un) success but to insecurity
Today, I look at people who do not know how to look forward to other people’s success with completely different eyes.
I’m not mad at them today. I know it’s not up to me. Nor do I blame them because I know that there are deeper problems behind it that they have yet to deal with.
I know many won’t admit to themselves that it’s up to them, but that’s not my problem after all. Nor is it yours if you are underestimated and diminished. Obviously you do something really well if you arouse feelings in others, even if such feelings.
As soon as people need to brake you, know that it’s because you overtook them a long time ago. And that they would very likely want to be in your place.
For he who is content with himself has no need to prick and condemn others. Trust me, I know. He who is confident in himself and his choices, has no need to question others. He who plans to build his dreams, has no need to deal with others.
So let go. Life is too short to deal with others and to torment those who deal with us, and at the same time it is too long not to look forward to someone else’s happiness, whatever it may be. It is too long for both competitions and comparisons. Everyone has their own and everyone is better at something. What we can do is support each other and learn from each other.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
Wouldn’t it be time to leave the nonsense behind and move forward together?
Mischievous Words by Marta 
Great post, a lot of what you talk about comes with feeling truly at ease with yourself, which (in my case) came with age. There’s no need to compare ourselves 🙂
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I must admit that I’ve not really felt jealous of other people’s happiness or success even as a child. I’ve always celebrated other’s joy and been aware that I walk my own path from a young age but certainly have seen how comparison can rob someone of their confidence (especially in the age of social media). I wonder if being around before the internet became a thing has something to do with it? I grew up with no internet, social media or widely-used mobile phones (which makes me feel like a dinosaur, haha) and I think maybe that has made an impact with not comparing my life/happiness/success to others because it wasn’t laid out in front of my face like it is today. Fab post!
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I am 35, so I too grow up with no internet and no social media. Where I live everything is looked down on. It has to do with society you are around with.
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I also grew up without internet and social media so that kind of comparison of my life with other’s people lifes never happened until the last decade or so. But I live in Greece and the society here is more like Marta’s. Everything and everyone is looked down. Really liked it!
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I think social media is a huge culprit to having the mindset of being jealous of other’s success. i think it stems from how people present the information. i always used to think FB was a place where people just bragged about their lives. And I would do it too. I decided to just let people be and be happy for both myself and other’s accomplishments. it’s easier to be nice than to be bitter.
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I enjoy supporting others and cheering them on. I learned a long time ago that it is a lot more fun and a whole lot easier than being jealous and comparing myself to others.
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This is a really interesting insight. I think we can have moments why we think ‘when is it my turn?’ ‘when do I get lucky?’. I think when I feel that way I am also happy for the person and I have to remind myself to maybe put my feelings to the side and celebrate with the person. And then take those feelings out later and try and find what’s behind them.
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Really interesting post. I think it depends on the person and the achievement. For example, if someone gets something that you find really triggering, I think it’s totally acceptable not to experience their happiness with them. I’ve always been a jealous person as well so I’ve also struggled with this. When it’s my family and friends or boyfriend then I’d rather them be happy than me – which I know is something I need to work on. I find happiness in my loved ones happiness more often than not.
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I totally relate to this and I hate how much I do. Sometimes it gets me down and other times it makes me work harder 🤷♀️
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Very interesting post and very honest! “For he who is content with himself has no need to prick and condemn others.” that is absolutely true. I think the main thing is to recognize that and be honest that the problem isn’t then, but the way we view ourselves. Great post!
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