When you feed someone with illusions and at some point you push them over the edge, to the level that the person hates you and crosses you for all time, you have no right to apologize. Even less are you entitled to second, third, fifth… opportunities.
On the other side of love, they say it is not hate, indifference resides there. And that is true.
When all those stages that happen to a person after a breakup or disappointment are over, indifference occurs. It’s the same with friendships that are no longer. Or were they never? I don’t know, but that’s how it turns out when we draw the line.
I just know that everything somehow goes back to the beginning. It’s like a reset of the mind, heart, spirit, and universe you live in.
And it happens, as it happened to me, that you only wake up one morning and everything is empty. Blank page. There is no bitterness, no hope, no longing, no turmoil, nothing. There are memories but they have no color and taste. They do not cause pain. They don’t even make you smile. They became just pictures on a kaleidoscope of memories.
You get up, touch the cold floor with your bare feet and life rushes through your body, and you go on a whole new day.
Some new people live in your thoughts, on the call list, among the fresh, as yet unopened messages. You absorb some new life colors and feel somehow free.
Your reflection is the same, your body the same, harmonious curves, big eyes full of childish curiosity, a wiggly smile on your lips. You are the same but you are no longer. Only those dark circles are smaller and the eyes brighter, the body more relaxed and the soul lighter for the burdens of relationships that you dragged on your back and were not yours.
You no longer care where that someone is and how he lives, who he loves, who he mourns, and what happens to him. You get to a level where you can walk past that person dead cold, without blinking and without being touched by what is calling to you.
People have that awful point within their own self-love, the one where they think everything revolves around them and it happens because of them. Many take everything personally as if you declared war on them just because you continued your journey peacefully without them.
They’re looking for you, godfather, they’re angry, they’re shifting balls of responsibility onto you, all with the goal of keeping you in their world, at least in some way. And it gets a little funny, even sad when you realize how far people are willing to go when they realize they’re losing something that didn’t matter to them until yesterday. Ie. someone.
Unimportant people, they suddenly become exclusive, as if they are a limited edition of the latest Gucci collection of watches, which is a must-have.
Yes, have. Own.
And that’s the ugly thing, the reason I don’t go back to those intricate stories I decided to end. I convinced myself many times that there was no sincere repentance in them, just the need to conquer something that had eluded them.
It becomes a race against time. The battle to conquer the invincible. And each new attempt leads to a new disappointment.
You have no right to me
There is something deeply corrupt in people that they do not give you peace when they realize that you are no longer there.
They are offended that your life goes on without them. It’s like you committed some great sacrilege that you just kept living. Which is not the end of the world for you. That your universe did not collapse like a tower of Lego bricks, the moment you realized that no matter how hard you tried, no matter how much you did, no matter how sincerely you loved, you are actually completely irrelevant to them.
We all experienced it, that we felt a small and unimportant end to the people we adored. And that we concluded that we deserve much more and much better, so we just silently turned on our heels and set off on the shortest path from the lives of these people.
Because why would anyone fight for space in someone’s life? Why?
Especially if you are a person who is worth a lot, gives a lot, and has all those human values that are so rare today? Why would someone like that be on stand by someone who doesn’t know where he is, what he would, what he wouldn’t, whether he came or went?
Karma is a bitch they say. I would say she is very fair. It is fair that your life is taken away by what you do not appreciate anyway, what you leave in the corner to collect dust, which is always on the waiting list – for later.
And to many, that bitch karma is slow in her distribution of justice, but it seems to me that she is a great poker player, she always deals cards well and aims for the moment.
With one movement, he pushed the dominoes and an avalanche started. And suddenly after many storms, you stand still and watch the earthquake. And it doesn’t touch you and it can’t touch you, because you have nothing to do with it. You neither enjoy nor feel any particular regret. You just exist, beyond all these events, as a silent witness to the justice of life.
” You have no right to me… ” – ironically, she plays Tajči’s timeless hit on the radio and gives a final touch to these lines.
Relationships are like some untold stories. Some get their charm only when you feel it is over.